Of the Lord wouldn't jeopardize your life, don't attempt to do so by your actions. You are only experiencing repeated failures because your method and approach are wrong. Do the right thing to get the right result. Do you know that, you are who you obey and follow? There is nothing like strength when your refuge is in the power and strength of God. How far you are from God shouldn't discourage you, you only need to make immediate U-turn to God. There is no hopeless situation with God. Your greatness, salvation, management, counsel and foundation are in Him.