We scanned over 2,800 headlines so you didn’t have to.

Today’s shrapnel parade through global decay includes:

A magnitude 8.8 quake slams Russia’s Far East, sending tsunami alerts across the Pacific like a seismic push notification from hell.

Gaza crosses the starvation threshold, but hey—here's your daily ad for meal kits.

And Zelensky’s inner circle signals the war might only end the old-fashioned way: with more fire.

Meanwhile, Trump draws a red line he’ll forget by Thursday, Stellantis braces for tariffageddon, and the IMF quietly updates the apocalypse ETA.

NASA and ISRO drop a climate spy in orbit to track it all—because if Earth’s going to end, we might as well get the resolution right.