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DoorDash Driver Spices Up Delivery with Pepper Spray, Blames Imaginary Spider
This is your News You do not Need podcast.
Let me tell you about a breaking news story you absolutely do not need, but now your brain will insist on keeping forever.
Somewhere in Indiana, where the weather is doing its best impression of a refrigerated meat locker at about 35 degrees, a DoorDash driver was caught on a doorbell camera delivering dinner like a normal human… and then lovingly misting the food with pepper spray. Not a garnish, not a drizzle of aioli. Pepper. Spray.
The customer, who apparently lives on the edge and eats whatever shows up on the porch, later got sick and reviewed the security footage, probably expecting to see a raccoon, a porch pirate, or at worst, their own terrible posture. Instead, they see their delivery driver calmly set down the bag, pause, pull out a can, and spritz the order like it’s a houseplant that just confessed it doesn’t like ranch.
Police track down the driver, who explains, with the confidence of a child holding a broken lamp, that she was not spraying the food. No, she says, she was heroically defending the property from… a spider. A spider. On a freezing Indiana night. In conditions where meteorologists and biologists join hands and agree, “Yeah, the spiders tapped out weeks ago.”
Authorities, consulting both science and common sense, point out that spiders are not known for sunbathing on exposed surfaces when it’s practically penguin weather. Also, the video, that pesky modern invention, appears to show exactly zero spiders. Just one meal and one very determined spritz.
So now this driver is arrested, the customer is traumatized, and somewhere there is an actual spider who would like to speak to the manager about being dragged into this.
The best part is imagining the thought process. She’s walking up the steps: “Okay, drop bag, ring doorbell, annihilate imaginary arachnid with law-enforcement-grade eye melt. Normal shift.” At no point, apparently, did she think, “Huh, maybe the tiny beast does not require chemical warfare.”
And because this is how the world works now, this bizarre little slice of life has gone from “strange thing on my porch” to national news segment. Human civilization: thousands of years of progress so we can all gather around our screens and discuss the alleged motives behind seasoning takeout with mace.
Somewhere, important information is struggling to reach your brain. But there is no room anymore, because that space is now permanently occupied by the mental image of a frostbitten, nonexistent spider being used as an alibi in a criminal pepper-spraying-of-dinner investigation.
You did not need to know any of this. Yet here we are. You’re welcome.
For more http://www.quietplease.ai
Get the best deals https://amzn.to/3ODvOta
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
Let me tell you about a breaking news story you absolutely do not need, but now your brain will insist on keeping forever.
Somewhere in Indiana, where the weather is doing its best impression of a refrigerated meat locker at about 35 degrees, a DoorDash driver was caught on a doorbell camera delivering dinner like a normal human… and then lovingly misting the food with pepper spray. Not a garnish, not a drizzle of aioli. Pepper. Spray.
The customer, who apparently lives on the edge and eats whatever shows up on the porch, later got sick and reviewed the security footage, probably expecting to see a raccoon, a porch pirate, or at worst, their own terrible posture. Instead, they see their delivery driver calmly set down the bag, pause, pull out a can, and spritz the order like it’s a houseplant that just confessed it doesn’t like ranch.
Police track down the driver, who explains, with the confidence of a child holding a broken lamp, that she was not spraying the food. No, she says, she was heroically defending the property from… a spider. A spider. On a freezing Indiana night. In conditions where meteorologists and biologists join hands and agree, “Yeah, the spiders tapped out weeks ago.”
Authorities, consulting both science and common sense, point out that spiders are not known for sunbathing on exposed surfaces when it’s practically penguin weather. Also, the video, that pesky modern invention, appears to show exactly zero spiders. Just one meal and one very determined spritz.
So now this driver is arrested, the customer is traumatized, and somewhere there is an actual spider who would like to speak to the manager about being dragged into this.
The best part is imagining the thought process. She’s walking up the steps: “Okay, drop bag, ring doorbell, annihilate imaginary arachnid with law-enforcement-grade eye melt. Normal shift.” At no point, apparently, did she think, “Huh, maybe the tiny beast does not require chemical warfare.”
And because this is how the world works now, this bizarre little slice of life has gone from “strange thing on my porch” to national news segment. Human civilization: thousands of years of progress so we can all gather around our screens and discuss the alleged motives behind seasoning takeout with mace.
Somewhere, important information is struggling to reach your brain. But there is no room anymore, because that space is now permanently occupied by the mental image of a frostbitten, nonexistent spider being used as an alibi in a criminal pepper-spraying-of-dinner investigation.
You did not need to know any of this. Yet here we are. You’re welcome.
For more http://www.quietplease.ai
Get the best deals https://amzn.to/3ODvOta
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
View all episodes
By Inception Point AiThis is your News You do not Need podcast.
Let me tell you about a breaking news story you absolutely do not need, but now your brain will insist on keeping forever.
Somewhere in Indiana, where the weather is doing its best impression of a refrigerated meat locker at about 35 degrees, a DoorDash driver was caught on a doorbell camera delivering dinner like a normal human… and then lovingly misting the food with pepper spray. Not a garnish, not a drizzle of aioli. Pepper. Spray.
The customer, who apparently lives on the edge and eats whatever shows up on the porch, later got sick and reviewed the security footage, probably expecting to see a raccoon, a porch pirate, or at worst, their own terrible posture. Instead, they see their delivery driver calmly set down the bag, pause, pull out a can, and spritz the order like it’s a houseplant that just confessed it doesn’t like ranch.
Police track down the driver, who explains, with the confidence of a child holding a broken lamp, that she was not spraying the food. No, she says, she was heroically defending the property from… a spider. A spider. On a freezing Indiana night. In conditions where meteorologists and biologists join hands and agree, “Yeah, the spiders tapped out weeks ago.”
Authorities, consulting both science and common sense, point out that spiders are not known for sunbathing on exposed surfaces when it’s practically penguin weather. Also, the video, that pesky modern invention, appears to show exactly zero spiders. Just one meal and one very determined spritz.
So now this driver is arrested, the customer is traumatized, and somewhere there is an actual spider who would like to speak to the manager about being dragged into this.
The best part is imagining the thought process. She’s walking up the steps: “Okay, drop bag, ring doorbell, annihilate imaginary arachnid with law-enforcement-grade eye melt. Normal shift.” At no point, apparently, did she think, “Huh, maybe the tiny beast does not require chemical warfare.”
And because this is how the world works now, this bizarre little slice of life has gone from “strange thing on my porch” to national news segment. Human civilization: thousands of years of progress so we can all gather around our screens and discuss the alleged motives behind seasoning takeout with mace.
Somewhere, important information is struggling to reach your brain. But there is no room anymore, because that space is now permanently occupied by the mental image of a frostbitten, nonexistent spider being used as an alibi in a criminal pepper-spraying-of-dinner investigation.
You did not need to know any of this. Yet here we are. You’re welcome.
For more http://www.quietplease.ai
Get the best deals https://amzn.to/3ODvOta
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
Let me tell you about a breaking news story you absolutely do not need, but now your brain will insist on keeping forever.
Somewhere in Indiana, where the weather is doing its best impression of a refrigerated meat locker at about 35 degrees, a DoorDash driver was caught on a doorbell camera delivering dinner like a normal human… and then lovingly misting the food with pepper spray. Not a garnish, not a drizzle of aioli. Pepper. Spray.
The customer, who apparently lives on the edge and eats whatever shows up on the porch, later got sick and reviewed the security footage, probably expecting to see a raccoon, a porch pirate, or at worst, their own terrible posture. Instead, they see their delivery driver calmly set down the bag, pause, pull out a can, and spritz the order like it’s a houseplant that just confessed it doesn’t like ranch.
Police track down the driver, who explains, with the confidence of a child holding a broken lamp, that she was not spraying the food. No, she says, she was heroically defending the property from… a spider. A spider. On a freezing Indiana night. In conditions where meteorologists and biologists join hands and agree, “Yeah, the spiders tapped out weeks ago.”
Authorities, consulting both science and common sense, point out that spiders are not known for sunbathing on exposed surfaces when it’s practically penguin weather. Also, the video, that pesky modern invention, appears to show exactly zero spiders. Just one meal and one very determined spritz.
So now this driver is arrested, the customer is traumatized, and somewhere there is an actual spider who would like to speak to the manager about being dragged into this.
The best part is imagining the thought process. She’s walking up the steps: “Okay, drop bag, ring doorbell, annihilate imaginary arachnid with law-enforcement-grade eye melt. Normal shift.” At no point, apparently, did she think, “Huh, maybe the tiny beast does not require chemical warfare.”
And because this is how the world works now, this bizarre little slice of life has gone from “strange thing on my porch” to national news segment. Human civilization: thousands of years of progress so we can all gather around our screens and discuss the alleged motives behind seasoning takeout with mace.
Somewhere, important information is struggling to reach your brain. But there is no room anymore, because that space is now permanently occupied by the mental image of a frostbitten, nonexistent spider being used as an alibi in a criminal pepper-spraying-of-dinner investigation.
You did not need to know any of this. Yet here we are. You’re welcome.
For more http://www.quietplease.ai
Get the best deals https://amzn.to/3ODvOta
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI