Do you value your life, and if you do what are you willing to do to make changes in your life!! In the black community we are thought not to show emotion. And another component to our lives that keep us stressed is we over work ourselves past fatigue meaning we don't know how to let go or stop ourselves from overworking. Men will work themselves into a grave. And most of the time is still about affirmation, The need to feel like a man as a provider for his family; it's hard to say no or Because we over consume and are not mindful of our spending habits. And you have to be a master of saying no because you can always come back and say yes but if you always say yes yes yes yes yes and you're pouring yourself into a place that you're always saying yes to the wrong people it'll still overwork you over stress you at two the headaches of life. And when you say yes to those people you become committed to that and that commitment is often under duress or stress in an ass to whatever stresses you're already dealing with in life. He learns to disconnect from our emotions so we no longer have to feel pain. In order to bring inner healing you have to look at the origin of where it all began. And dissect it to gain insight and understanding about how to fix it. Dig up the dead roots and discard them, so that it does not continue to grow in further taint the tree, nor spread bad fruit which produce seeds for the next generation of trees.

Scrappy

Yung jock

Kirk

Legal shield

We come from a place where we don't express ourselves emotionally. Not from an honest and open way!!

“When he would yell at my mother, I would start crying. I didn't know any better. I was only 6. As soon as I started sniffling he would turn around and scream “Shut up Sean!! Don't be no f*cking punk!” I was so scared. I was scared he would hate me like I thought he hated my mother. I learned from that to shut up whatever feeling I was goin through. Back then it was fighting other kids. As I got older I would drink, smoke, or just zone it out. Years later being with my own kids made me realize something was wrong. I was angry all the time. I started to see that I had been doing something that was pushing me away from people I cared about….”

What happens to little Black boys, who learn to hate their feelings? Who do they become? What is the “inner child” and how is this all connected? The answers to these questions aren't easy to hear. Nor are they as one dimensional as we might imagine.

The “inner child” represents the emotionality and perceptions we learned as children that, if left un-engaged(isn't going the extra mile and is not passionate about it anymore.), we carry on as adults. For all Black children, our inner perceptions can be informed by a number of traumatic experiences. Despite this, African American Americans overall are not likely to access mental health services, much less Black men. This creates a considerable challenge: On one hand Black men and boys are traumatized constantly. But on the other hand, we are not given emotional tools to transform that pain. Black man are taught, masculine norms that do not support a healthy since of mental health. The consequence of this is evident: climbing rates of suicide, abuse, and assault and aggression against themselves, Black women and Black gender non-conforming individuals.

How does child trauma impacting Black men and boys?

Trauma literally changes the emotional map in the brain, it alters perception. Left unaddressed, these emotional imprints can negatively impact perceptions held by Black men (and any person); perceptions of self, others and circumstances that can cause problems in every relationship in a person's life. For men, it often manifests as anger or rage, which is a product of fear and powerlessness. It is critical to process the deep hurts we have experienced in life. If not it impact us, we re live those experiences. For example being bullied when you are a kind.

How have inner child trauma show up in adult African American men?

For example: a single father who was doing the best he could trying to raise his teenage son to keep him out of foster care. Their relationship was, in a word, combustible. This represents two people with unmet needs, two child states in conflict. A young man, who had been abandoned by his mother, his defiance fueled by competition with his father's girlfriend for his father's attention; a father, who could not read, conflicted with wanting nurturing and attention from his girlfriend and feeling his authority challenged by an acting-out teen. Both had childhood traumas of parental separation.

The young man had skipped school the day before and an altercation between father and son arises. The father literally breaks out into a tantrum, jumping up and down, stomping, fists clinched, screaming at the young man saying, He states to his son “You don't appreciate anything I do for you!” View a father, with his own emotional needs, was not ready developmentally to parent. This is one way that unresolved childhood trauma can show up in relationships, explosive anger. When we are faced with unmet needs, particularly attachment needs of feeling safe, secure, comforted and validated from those with whom we have community, how we respond to those unmet needs is reflective of the degree that our inner child has been nurtured.

What can adult Black men do to address and deal with their inner child trauma?

One thing that Black men can do to help to resolve inner child trauma is to cultivate awareness of their systems of meaning. What I mean by that is the ability to recognize when behavior reactions to someone else's behavior are being seen through the lens of adverse (preventing success or development) childhood experiences. Awareness is the antidote to impulse(a desire to act). Awareness puts you in a position to choose a different way of thinking, a different behavior. In order to heal, you have to open up the emotional baggage, suppressed material of past hurts and confront it. Feel it. Name it.

What would we say to Black men who feel this work is not important?

To Black men who feel this work is not important, I say watch the local evening news. The local headlines are rife with stories about felony crimes, domestic violence, murder, etc… There is always a back story pointing back to a “troubled childhood,” unresolved childhood trauma. There has been a great cost to communities and families already when the emotional needs of Black men and men in general are disregarded and the emotional expression of Black men is stifled by messages such as “be a man,” “man up,” or “big boys don't cry.”

What do we as people who love Black men, need to do to help Black men and boys grow emotionally and heal? What's the best way we can be supportive in creating a healing community?

What we must do above all things is preserve a child's childhood and ensure that parents across the spectrum of financial affluence have the tools and means to make home an extended learning environment for their kids; that Black boys and Black girls, all children, experience enough of the “Crucial C's” in childhood that build resilience and a healthy sense of self as they face life's challenges and changes.

All children need four interpersonal experiences regularly in childhood to develop a healthy sense of self. These are the four Crucial C's that I refer to often in my line of work.

We all need to feel Connection (I belong), Capable (I can do it), I Count (I matter, I can make a difference) and Courage (I can handle what comes). When children don't experience enough of the Crucial C's, they will act out in any of the four ways: Attention seeking, revenge, power/control or avoidance/withdrawal. When Black boys act out, the penalties and stigmatization is greater. We can ensure healthy social-emotional development of Black men and boys by providing experiences with Crucial C's.

The message is clear: the little children in all of us are begging to be reconciled with. Black boys in this country need our support in cultivating and maintaining emotional literacy. Black men need to get support in cultivating healthy emotional lives. This is a pressing priority for the wellness of the Black community. If national entities can build campaigns to support Black men and boys with ties, business suits and coding skills, then we can do the same with teaching emotional literacy that is informed by Black feminist and Womanist theory. Because all the other things are useless if they only serve to remake black men into emotionally dead patriarchs who cannot nurture their families and communities. Our communities need our black men to show up and be present, and be loving full adults.

Last thoughts!!!!

I heard a man say one time when a man says he's tired it's important for us to pay attention to the words in which he speaks. The alarming rate of black men dying by suicide is 3 to 4 times more likely than a black woman. 9 to 10 black people who live to be over 100 or women. And over 70% of homicides or by men in the United States. And when a black man says to another black man stay strong my brother subconsciously they are telling one another that they are weak and that they're not a man in essence you cannot stay strong; which adds to a place that one cannot really understanding the impact and struggles that black man have in America. The weights are heavy and they bear them and never express them. And times when his words feel as if they have fallen on deafs ear, when he feels tolerated and not accepted. When he feels abandoned and not supported. So when a man is tired he's not a weak man but he's a strong man!! It's critical that we welcome him to rest, meaning giving him the place to release whatever pressures that has him bound in life. So when I strongman tells you he's tired believe him and it's important for the women to do something to help him recover from it. It's funny when a black man says he's tired we don't say what do you need from me how can I make your life better or lighter. And brothers when your women want to help you let her do it because she cannot help you recover if you don't let her or let her know. Think about it this way it's like an athlete like Kevin Durant went right back in there after an injury and not really allowing his body to fully recover. Because he didn't allow his self to recover fully, he got injured again. It's the same thing people have stressors and situations and circumstances and sometimes life hits and hits and hits but you don't allow yourselves to mentally or actually rest and recover. The more things that are piled on in your life never makes it better always makes it worse. We have to understand healing; especially mentally is a lifelong process. it's a process and you have to give yourself the space and time to heal, you also have to be able to express those frustrations and pains to someone as well so release it and be free. Lastly learning to express gratitude to these people who actually make a difference. Do things for others actually changes the mapping of your brain.

Do you value your life, and if you do what are you willing to do to make changes in your life!! In the black community we are thought not to show emotion. And another component to our lives that keep us stressed is we over work ourselves past fatigue meaning we don't know how to let go or stop ourselves from overworking. Men will work themselves into a grave. And most of the time is still about affirmation, The need to feel like a man as a provider for his family; it's hard to say no or Because we over consume and are not mindful of our spending habits. And you have to be a master of saying no because you can always come back and say yes but if you always say yes yes yes yes yes and you're pouring yourself into a place that you're always saying yes to the wrong people it'll still overwork you over stress you at two the headaches of life. And when you say yes to those people you become committed to that and that commitment is often under duress or stress in an ass to whatever stresses you're already dealing with in life. He learns to disconnect from our emotions so we no longer have to feel pain. In order to bring inner healing you have to look at the origin of where it all began. And dissect it to gain insight and understanding about how to fix it. Dig up the dead roots and discard them, so that it does not continue to grow in further taint the tree, nor spread bad fruit which produce seeds for the next generation of trees.

Scrappy

Yung jock

Kirk

Legal shield

We come from a place where we don't express ourselves emotionally. Not from an honest and open way!!

“When he would yell at my mother, I would start crying. I didn't know any better. I was only 6. As soon as I started sniffling he would turn around and scream “Shut up Sean!! Don't be no f*cking punk!” I was so scared. I was scared he would hate me like I thought he hated my mother. I learned from that to shut up whatever feeling I was goin through. Back then it was fighting other kids. As I got older I would drink, smoke, or just zone it out. Years later being with my own kids made me realize something was wrong. I was angry all the time. I started to see that I had been doing something that was pushing me away from people I cared about….”

What happens to little Black boys, who learn to hate their feelings? Who do they become? What is the “inner child” and how is this all connected? The answers to these questions aren't easy to hear. Nor are they as one dimensional as we might imagine.

The “inner child” represents the emotionality and perceptions we learned as children that, if left un-engaged(isn't going the extra mile and is not passionate about it anymore.), we carry on as adults. For all Black children, our inner perceptions can be informed by a number of traumatic experiences. Despite this, African American Americans overall are not likely to access mental health services, much less Black men. This creates a considerable challenge: On one hand Black men and boys are traumatized constantly. But on the other hand, we are not given emotional tools to transform that pain. Black man are taught, masculine norms that do not support a healthy since of mental health. The consequence of this is evident: climbing rates of suicide, abuse, and assault and aggression against themselves, Black women and Black gender non-conforming individuals.

How does child trauma impacting Black men and boys?

Trauma literally changes the emotional map in the brain, it alters perception. Left unaddressed, these emotional imprints can negatively impact perceptions held by Black men (and any person); perceptions of self, others and circumstances that can cause problems in every relationship in a person's life. For men, it often manifests as anger or rage, which is a product of fear and powerlessness. It is critical to process the deep hurts we have experienced in life. If not it impact us, we re live those experiences. For example being bullied when you are a kind.

How have inner child trauma show up in adult African American men?

For example: a single father who was doing the best he could trying to raise his teenage son to keep him out of foster care. Their relationship was, in a word, combustible. This represents two people with unmet needs, two child states in conflict. A young man, who had been abandoned by his mother, his defiance fueled by competition with his father's girlfriend for his father's attention; a father, who could not read, conflicted with wanting nurturing and attention from his girlfriend and feeling his authority challenged by an acting-out teen. Both had childhood traumas of parental separation.

The young man had skipped school the day before and an altercation between father and son arises. The father literally breaks out into a tantrum, jumping up and down, stomping, fists clinched, screaming at the young man saying, He states to his son “You don't appreciate anything I do for you!” View a father, with his own emotional needs, was not ready developmentally to parent. This is one way that unresolved childhood trauma can show up in relationships, explosive anger. When we are faced with unmet needs, particularly attachment needs of feeling safe, secure, comforted and validated from those with whom we have community, how we respond to those unmet needs is reflective of the degree that our inner child has been nurtured.

What can adult Black men do to address and deal with their inner child trauma?

One thing that Black men can do to help to resolve inner child trauma is to cultivate awareness of their systems of meaning. What I mean by that is the ability to recognize when behavior reactions to someone else's behavior are being seen through the lens of adverse (preventing success or development) childhood experiences. Awareness is the antidote to impulse(a desire to act). Awareness puts you in a position to choose a different way of thinking, a different behavior. In order to heal, you have to open up the emotional baggage, suppressed material of past hurts and confront it. Feel it. Name it.

What would we say to Black men who feel this work is not important?

To Black men who feel this work is not important, I say watch the local evening news. The local headlines are rife with stories about felony crimes, domestic violence, murder, etc… There is always a back story pointing back to a “troubled childhood,” unresolved childhood trauma. There has been a great cost to communities and families already when the emotional needs of Black men and men in general are disregarded and the emotional expression of Black men is stifled by messages such as “be a man,” “man up,” or “big boys don't cry.”

What do we as people who love Black men, need to do to help Black men and boys grow emotionally and heal? What's the best way we can be supportive in creating a healing community?

What we must do above all things is preserve a child's childhood and ensure that parents across the spectrum of financial affluence have the tools and means to make home an extended learning environment for their kids; that Black boys and Black girls, all children, experience enough of the “Crucial C's” in childhood that build resilience and a healthy sense of self as they face life's challenges and changes.

All children need four interpersonal experiences regularly in childhood to develop a healthy sense of self. These are the four Crucial C's that I refer to often in my line of work.

We all need to feel Connection (I belong), Capable (I can do it), I Count (I matter, I can make a difference) and Courage (I can handle what comes). When children don't experience enough of the Crucial C's, they will act out in any of the four ways: Attention seeking, revenge, power/control or avoidance/withdrawal. When Black boys act out, the penalties and stigmatization is greater. We can ensure healthy social-emotional development of Black men and boys by providing experiences with Crucial C's.

The message is clear: the little children in all of us are begging to be reconciled with. Black boys in this country need our support in cultivating and maintaining emotional literacy. Black men need to get support in cultivating healthy emotional lives. This is a pressing priority for the wellness of the Black community. If national entities can build campaigns to support Black men and boys with ties, business suits and coding skills, then we can do the same with teaching emotional literacy that is informed by Black feminist and Womanist theory. Because all the other things are useless if they only serve to remake black men into emotionally dead patriarchs who cannot nurture their families and communities. Our communities need our black men to show up and be present, and be loving full adults.

Last thoughts!!!!

I heard a man say one time when a man says he's tired it's important for us to pay attention to the words in which he speaks. The alarming rate of black men dying by suicide is 3 to 4 times more likely than a black woman. 9 to 10 black people who live to be over 100 or women. And over 70% of homicides or by men in the United States. And when a black man says to another black man stay strong my brother subconsciously they are telling one another that they are weak and that they're not a man in essence you cannot stay strong; which adds to a place that one cannot really understanding the impact and struggles that black man have in America. The weights are heavy and they bear them and never express them. And times when his words feel as if they have fallen on deafs ear, when he feels tolerated and not accepted. When he feels abandoned and not supported. So when a man is tired he's not a weak man but he's a strong man!! It's critical that we welcome him to rest, meaning giving him the place to release whatever pressures that has him bound in life. So when I strongman tells you he's tired believe him and it's important for the women to do something to help him recover from it. It's funny when a black man says he's tired we don't say what do you need from me how can I make your life better or lighter. And brothers when your women want to help you let her do it because she cannot help you recover if you don't let her or let her know. Think about it this way it's like an athlete like Kevin Durant went right back in there after an injury and not really allowing his body to fully recover. Because he didn't allow his self to recover fully, he got injured again. It's the same thing people have stressors and situations and circumstances and sometimes life hits and hits and hits but you don't allow yourselves to mentally or actually rest and recover. The more things that are piled on in your life never makes it better always makes it worse. We have to understand healing; especially mentally is a lifelong process. it's a process and you have to give yourself the space and time to heal, you also have to be able to express those frustrations and pains to someone as well so release it and be free. Lastly learning to express gratitude to these people who actually make a difference. Do things for others actually changes the mapping of your brain.

First off please forgive the quality of the audio we were recording in the car. Today's podcast was a part two on how we think and being able to change our thoughts for the betterment of ourselves.

Our mindset can hold us back from great things. It can cripple us, disconnect us from our emotions, family, friends, etc.. But most of all from our relationship with Yahuah. Come with me as we explore the mindset of people of color and what we need to see change in our communities.

Our mindset can hold us back from great things. It can cripple us, disconnect us from our emotions, family, friends, etc.. But most of all from our relationship with Yahuah. Come with me as we explore the mindset of people of color and what we need to see change in our communities.

Knowing that he which raised up Adonai Yahusha shall raise up us also by Yahusha, and shall present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of Yahuah. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. QORINTIYM SHENIY (2 CORINTHIANS) 4:14-18

Relationships with the people you love should be healthy, but sometimes they are not. If you have an unhealthy relationship either with your kids, parents, spouse, colleagues, and people around you, you need to take up the challenge of turning the tables and making things work better for all involved parties. Healthy relationships don't just happen; they are built by two willing parties. Building a strong relationship takes time, commitment, and a lot of work to build. You will know your relationship is unhealthy and needs fixing if:

You and your loved ones don't support each other as much as you should.

You are emotionally and practically absent from each other's lives, especially in bad times.

There isn't mutual respect or trust shared by both parties.

You aren't communicating openly about things that bother you in life.

You don't share any interests anymore, neither do you respect the interest of the other party.

The understanding and honesty you shared no longer exists.

Everyone needs to be happy and satisfied with their lives, around the people they love. You need to feel the warmth and worth of belonging as a mate, family, and a community. For that, you need to fix your relationship (especially with your partner) by following the following 10 tips:

1. Show Appreciation

Couples in love shower each other with affection and words of appreciation all the time. Along the way, many couples start taking those gestures for granted ( 1. fail to properly appreciate (someone or something), especially as a result of overfamiliarity."the comforts that people take for granted" 2. assume that something is true without questioning it."those companies challenged beliefs that everyone else took for granted") That is the general reason why many people falling out of love. To keep the original love burning, you need to keep admiring your partner and appreciating the little things that you do for one another. Appreciate them when they make you happy and when they try to make you happy but fail. In fact, you don't need any reason to appreciate them for as long they are in your life, by your side. Although you don't have to give them material gifts to show appreciation, your partner will always appreciate you more when you gift them. Well thought out gifts, not necessarily fancy, will make your significant other feel your love.

2. Embody the love described in 1 Cor 13:4-8.

One of the most well-known passages in the Bible describes pure love, and it's an excellent description of the way you should strive to treat your partner in a relationship. It describes love as patient, hopeful, trusting, and selfless. Try to live up to this example as you build a healthy, God-centered relationship.

The passage says: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Even if your faith follows a different holy text, you can still use this beautiful verse as a reminder of how to treat your partner.

3.Invest in Trust

Whether it is your partner, friend, or relative, you need to trust them first before there is to be any meaningful relationship between the two of you. A trusting attitude is an attitude for love. To build trust, you need to be consistent with what you say and do. You both have to respect each other's boundaries. Most importantly, you must never betray their trust.

4. Communicate

There will always be tons of unfathomable hurdles to overcome within a relationship. Your partner will lose their job, someone will hit on them, illnesses will strike, and bad decisions will be made by both parties. These are challenges that have brought down healthy marriages and friendships. However, if you communicate openly and honestly, and from a place of love, these hurdles will never shake your relationship.

5. Rely on God and each other when times are difficult.

Inevitably in a relationship, you'll have to face struggles together.

These might be arguments because you don't see eye-to-eye on things, or you might have to overcome hardships and grief together as a couple. No matter what comes your way, don't turn against each other.

Remember, if you and your partner get married, you'll have to take on difficult situations together throughout your life. If you have a hard time working together when you're dating, you may have a hard time being on the same page later on, as well.

6. Be a Good Listener

Communication is a two-way street. If you want your partner/friend to listen to you, you must be prepared to listen to them as well. Listening effectively will actually help boost your partner's self-esteem; they feel confident that someone loves and supports them. And listening doesn't mean staring blankly as they talk. It means making an effort to understand what the other person says, having a genuine interaction with them, and following the instructions they give if any. By being genuine and understanding, you can build a respectable and strong relationship

7. Be Committed to the Relationship

You have to be committed to sharing yourself and your life with your partner. There are no two ways about that. Commit your time, resources, and energy to make things work between you two. Be willing to be loyal and to stand with the other person; choosing them over and over even when it is not fashionable to do so. It is only after doing that that you can expect them to reciprocate.

8. Spend Quality Time Together

No matter how crazy your life gets, no matter how busy your day was, always set aside time for your partner. Participate in fun activities together. Be willing to stay together. The same goes for friends. Even if you are married, have jobs, and everyone is chasing their own life. For a strong relationship, you must create time for each other.

9. Be Willing to Compromise

Relationships are built on a give-and-take platform.

You have to be ready to sacrifice your resources, emotions, and material things in order to make your partner happy or comfortable. As much as you need to take care of yourself and be happy, you also need to compromise your tastes and preferences if they don't favour your partner.

The partner should sacrifice as well so that you can both find a middle ground. You will run into problems eventually if one of you compromises all the time and the other doesn't reciprocate.

Pray with each other often.

Prayer is one of the most important things you can do to build a relationship with God, and it should be a central part of your relationship.

It can seem a little strange at first to pray together out loud, but if you practice doing it regularly, it will become a natural and beautiful part of your routine together. [11]

Pray together whenever you get the chance, such as before meals, at the end of the day, or when you're on the phone.

Remember to pray for your partner in your personal prayers, as well

Final Thoughts

Be respectful at all times! Emotions, feelings, and beliefs aside, you must always respect the people you love. It doesn't matter if they are right or wrong. You must respect them even if you disagree with them in order to build a healthy and strong relationship.

Knowing that he which raised up Adonai Yahusha shall raise up us also by Yahusha, and shall present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of Yahuah. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. QORINTIYM SHENIY (2 CORINTHIANS) 4:14-18

Relationships with the people you love should be healthy, but sometimes they are not. If you have an unhealthy relationship either with your kids, parents, spouse, colleagues, and people around you, you need to take up the challenge of turning the tables and making things work better for all involved parties. Healthy relationships don't just happen; they are built by two willing parties. Building a strong relationship takes time, commitment, and a lot of work to build. You will know your relationship is unhealthy and needs fixing if:

You and your loved ones don't support each other as much as you should.

You are emotionally and practically absent from each other's lives, especially in bad times.

There isn't mutual respect or trust shared by both parties.

You aren't communicating openly about things that bother you in life.

You don't share any interests anymore, neither do you respect the interest of the other party.

The understanding and honesty you shared no longer exists.

Everyone needs to be happy and satisfied with their lives, around the people they love. You need to feel the warmth and worth of belonging as a mate, family, and a community. For that, you need to fix your relationship (especially with your partner) by following the following 10 tips:

1. Show Appreciation

Couples in love shower each other with affection and words of appreciation all the time. Along the way, many couples start taking those gestures for granted ( 1. fail to properly appreciate (someone or something), especially as a result of overfamiliarity."the comforts that people take for granted" 2. assume that something is true without questioning it."those companies challenged beliefs that everyone else took for granted") That is the general reason why many people falling out of love. To keep the original love burning, you need to keep admiring your partner and appreciating the little things that you do for one another. Appreciate them when they make you happy and when they try to make you happy but fail. In fact, you don't need any reason to appreciate them for as long they are in your life, by your side. Although you don't have to give them material gifts to show appreciation, your partner will always appreciate you more when you gift them. Well thought out gifts, not necessarily fancy, will make your significant other feel your love.

2. Embody the love described in 1 Cor 13:4-8.

One of the most well-known passages in the Bible describes pure love, and it's an excellent description of the way you should strive to treat your partner in a relationship. It describes love as patient, hopeful, trusting, and selfless. Try to live up to this example as you build a healthy, God-centered relationship.

The passage says: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Even if your faith follows a different holy text, you can still use this beautiful verse as a reminder of how to treat your partner.

3.Invest in Trust

Whether it is your partner, friend, or relative, you need to trust them first before there is to be any meaningful relationship between the two of you. A trusting attitude is an attitude for love. To build trust, you need to be consistent with what you say and do. You both have to respect each other's boundaries. Most importantly, you must never betray their trust.

4. Communicate

There will always be tons of unfathomable hurdles to overcome within a relationship. Your partner will lose their job, someone will hit on them, illnesses will strike, and bad decisions will be made by both parties. These are challenges that have brought down healthy marriages and friendships. However, if you communicate openly and honestly, and from a place of love, these hurdles will never shake your relationship.

5. Rely on God and each other when times are difficult.

Inevitably in a relationship, you'll have to face struggles together.

These might be arguments because you don't see eye-to-eye on things, or you might have to overcome hardships and grief together as a couple. No matter what comes your way, don't turn against each other.

Remember, if you and your partner get married, you'll have to take on difficult situations together throughout your life. If you have a hard time working together when you're dating, you may have a hard time being on the same page later on, as well.

6. Be a Good Listener

Communication is a two-way street. If you want your partner/friend to listen to you, you must be prepared to listen to them as well. Listening effectively will actually help boost your partner's self-esteem; they feel confident that someone loves and supports them. And listening doesn't mean staring blankly as they talk. It means making an effort to understand what the other person says, having a genuine interaction with them, and following the instructions they give if any. By being genuine and understanding, you can build a respectable and strong relationship

7. Be Committed to the Relationship

You have to be committed to sharing yourself and your life with your partner. There are no two ways about that. Commit your time, resources, and energy to make things work between you two. Be willing to be loyal and to stand with the other person; choosing them over and over even when it is not fashionable to do so. It is only after doing that that you can expect them to reciprocate.

8. Spend Quality Time Together

No matter how crazy your life gets, no matter how busy your day was, always set aside time for your partner. Participate in fun activities together. Be willing to stay together. The same goes for friends. Even if you are married, have jobs, and everyone is chasing their own life. For a strong relationship, you must create time for each other.

9. Be Willing to Compromise

Relationships are built on a give-and-take platform.

You have to be ready to sacrifice your resources, emotions, and material things in order to make your partner happy or comfortable. As much as you need to take care of yourself and be happy, you also need to compromise your tastes and preferences if they don't favour your partner.

The partner should sacrifice as well so that you can both find a middle ground. You will run into problems eventually if one of you compromises all the time and the other doesn't reciprocate.

Pray with each other often.

Prayer is one of the most important things you can do to build a relationship with God, and it should be a central part of your relationship.

It can seem a little strange at first to pray together out loud, but if you practice doing it regularly, it will become a natural and beautiful part of your routine together. [11]

Pray together whenever you get the chance, such as before meals, at the end of the day, or when you're on the phone.

Remember to pray for your partner in your personal prayers, as well

Final Thoughts

Be respectful at all times! Emotions, feelings, and beliefs aside, you must always respect the people you love. It doesn't matter if they are right or wrong. You must respect them even if you disagree with them in order to build a healthy and strong relationship.

Complete trust in your mate, insures that no one can come in and divide that which you have built!! -Dr. Lovely

Submission (n.) late 14c., "act of referring to a third party for judgment or decision," from Old French submission or directly from Latin submissionem (nominative submissio) "a lowering, letting down; sinking," noun of action from past participle stem of submittere "to let down, put down, lower, reduce, yield" (see submit).

Sense of "humble obedience" is first recorded mid-15c. Modern French submission has been replaced by doublet soumission. English in 16c.-17c. also had an adjective submiss "humble, submissive." Submissionist in various political historical contexts is from 1828.

Rule (n.) c. 1200, "principle or maxim governing conduct, formula to which conduct must be conformed" from Old French riule, Norman reule "rule, custom, (religious) order" (in Modern French partially re-Latinized as règle), from Vulgar Latin *regula, from Latin regula "straight stick, bar, ruler;" figuratively "a pattern, a model," related to regere "to rule, straighten, guide" (from PIE root *reg- "move in a straight line," with derivatives meaning "to direct in a straight line," thus "to lead, rule"). Replaced Old English wealdan.

Meaning "regulation governing play of a game, etc." is from 1690s. Rule of law "supremacy of impartial and well-defined laws to any individual's power" is from 1883. Meaning "strip used for making straight lines or measuring" is recorded from mid-14c. Typography sense is attested from 1680s.

Positive Male Influence in the Black Family structure

The American culture doesn't afford the black man to be human in a psychological since (they are not expected to overcome their mistakes, nor the room to be upset about the way they've been treated, place excessive limitations upon them, constantly judge them for a system completely set up to basically destroy them. They must overstand they can not afford to be reckless with their lives.

The other aspect is black man Elude expressing their emotions because of the uncomfortableness that they feel when doing so. When dealing with

The Order of Creation

A final element to understanding Genesis 3:16 is the order of creation. What do we know about Adam and Eve's relationship in Genesis 1–2? We know that Adam was created first, and then Eve. When God created Adam, He placed Adam in the garden to work it and keep it. Furthermore, God gave Adam the responsibility of naming the animals:

Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. (Genesis 2:19)

Adam clearly had a leadership role in the Garden of Eden. Not only was he the garden's caretaker, but he also demonstrated his authority over the animals by naming them. 3 At this point, God declared, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). So God created Eve.

Adam's immediate response to meeting Eve, his suitable helper, was to declare that she is his counterpart, made from him, and to name her: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).

Positive Female Influence in the Black Family structure

The Woman's “Desire”

A second issue surrounding the interpretation of this verse is how to properly understand the Hebrew word for desire: teshuqah (תשׁוקת). Teshuqah appears only three times in Scripture.

“Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, emphasis added)

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7, emphasis added)

“I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me.” (Song of Solomon 7:10, emphasis added)

The opposite side of this is that “Bitch” she's demanding, oppressive, destructive, smothering, a man eater. And the energy that comes along with it is overwhelming and difficult for a man to manage

Evangelical Feminism and Other Faulty Interpretations

Because of the influence of evangelical feminism on the church (and the influence of feminism on the culture as a whole), some in the church balk at the idea of male headship in the family. In an attempt to conform to the popular ideas of the culture, evangelical feminists and others have proposed alternate interpretations of the meaning of the woman's “desire” and the Curse's affect on the marriage relationship.

One alternate interpretation is based on the parallel use of teshuqah in Song of Solomon 7:10, “I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me” (emphasis added). Because the use of teshuqah in that verse is sexual in nature, this interpretation claims that the woman's “desire” in Genesis 3:16 is a greatly increased sexual attraction to her husband. This interpretation may take two forms: (1) as a result of her increased attraction, the wife will willingly submit to her husband, making it easier for him to achieve a tyrannical, ungodly dominion over her, or (2) the husband will have a stronger desire for his wife as a companion, in response to her increased sexual attraction.

One problem with the first form of this interpretation is that the willing submission of the wife to her husband is not a punishment for sin. Eve as Adam's helper submitted willingly to him before the Fall. Part of the punishment is the wife's new temptation to usurp her husband's God-given authority. Regarding the second form, as I stated above, we have to remember that Genesis 3:14–19 is a judgment passage, so any resulting effects of the Curse will not be enjoyable blessings from God. To say that a couple's love for one another and their fidelity in marriage are increased as a result of the Curse simply is not logical.

Furthermore, if teshuqah is sexual in nature in Genesis 3:16 and Song of Solomon 7:10, then should we conclude that it is in Genesis 4:7 as well? But it does not make sense to say that sin had a sexual desire toward Cain. Indeed, Susan Foh examines the use of teshuqah in these passages and concludes, “the proper etymology in Arabic would be saqa, to urge, drive on, impel,”7 all giving the sense of attempting to gain power over someone or something.

In the evangelical feminist's alternate interpretation of the marriage relationship in Genesis, scholars such as Gilbert Bilezikian argue that words such as head or helper in Scripture are misunderstood. Bilezikian says of headship, “Head is never given the meaning of authority, boss or leader. It describes the servant function of provider of life, growth and development.”8 In one sense, Bilezikian has it right—the husband absolutely should desire to aid his wife and children in their spiritual growth. In fact, Scripture (Ephesians 5:28, 33) commands husbands to love their wives as they love themselves and as Yahsuah loved the church/elect (i.e., to the point of being willing to die for her). However, Scripture still clearly places the responsibility for leadership on the husband, both before and after the Fall.

Any sort of “team” must have a leader. In a marriage, that leader, by God's design, is the husband. Ephesians 5:22 states clearly, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Here Paul uses an analogy: As a woman submits to the leadership of Yahsuah , so should she also submit to the leadership of her husband. The type of leadership a husband is called to model is hardly the picture of ungodly, dictatorial leadership often painted by evangelical feminists. Rather, a godly husband's leadership is born of love for God and of love and respect for his wife, to the point of laying down his life for her (Ephesians 5:25). First Peter 3:7 even shows that a husband's own prayers are hindered if he fails to honor his wife and seek to understand her needs.

Bilezikian argues elsewhere, “There is not a hint, not even a whisper about anything like a hierarchical order existing between man and woman in the creation account of Genesis, chapters 1 and 2. … The creation order established oneness, not hierarchy (2:24). The first indication of a hierarchical order between man and woman resulted from the entrance of sin into the world (3:16).”9 Those claims have been addressed already, but it is unfortunate that Bilezikian is willing to place male headship under the umbrella of the Curse, when Scripture clearly does not.

The New Testament treats a harmonious marriage that is led by the husband as a blessing for both members. In fact, the properly functioning marriage full of love, mutual respect, and properly exercised authority is a picture of the blessed relationship we (both men and women) are to have with Yahsuah who is surely the Head of all the elect. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. we follow the leadership of Christ, who is our head. In the same way, a wife follows her husband's leadership, because God has placed him as head of the family—and we can trace this male headship even to the perfection of the Garden of Eden.

We encourage you to spend time in prayer with your fiancé/e to choose the reading which best speaks to your hopes and dreams for your marriage.

Male and female he created them (Genesis 1:26-28, 31a)

The two of them become one body (Genesis 2:18-24)

In his love for Rebekah, Isaac found solace after the death of his mother(Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67)

May the Lord of heaven prosper you both. May he grant you mercy and peace(Tobit 7:6-14)

Allow us to live together to a happy old age (Tobit 8:4b-8)

The woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31)

Stern as death is love (Song of Songs 2:8-10, 14, 16a; 8:6-7a)

Like the sun rising in the Lord's heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife is the radiance of her home (Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16)

I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah(Jeremiah 31:31-32a, 33-34a

Complete trust in your mate, insures that no one can come in and divide that which you have built!! -Dr. Lovely

Submission (n.) late 14c., "act of referring to a third party for judgment or decision," from Old French submission or directly from Latin submissionem (nominative submissio) "a lowering, letting down; sinking," noun of action from past participle stem of submittere "to let down, put down, lower, reduce, yield" (see submit).

Sense of "humble obedience" is first recorded mid-15c. Modern French submission has been replaced by doublet soumission. English in 16c.-17c. also had an adjective submiss "humble, submissive." Submissionist in various political historical contexts is from 1828.

Rule (n.) c. 1200, "principle or maxim governing conduct, formula to which conduct must be conformed" from Old French riule, Norman reule "rule, custom, (religious) order" (in Modern French partially re-Latinized as règle), from Vulgar Latin *regula, from Latin regula "straight stick, bar, ruler;" figuratively "a pattern, a model," related to regere "to rule, straighten, guide" (from PIE root *reg- "move in a straight line," with derivatives meaning "to direct in a straight line," thus "to lead, rule"). Replaced Old English wealdan.

Meaning "regulation governing play of a game, etc." is from 1690s. Rule of law "supremacy of impartial and well-defined laws to any individual's power" is from 1883. Meaning "strip used for making straight lines or measuring" is recorded from mid-14c. Typography sense is attested from 1680s.

Positive Male Influence in the Black Family structure

The American culture doesn't afford the black man to be human in a psychological since (they are not expected to overcome their mistakes, nor the room to be upset about the way they've been treated, place excessive limitations upon them, constantly judge them for a system completely set up to basically destroy them. They must overstand they can not afford to be reckless with their lives.

The other aspect is black man Elude expressing their emotions because of the uncomfortableness that they feel when doing so. When dealing with

The Order of Creation

A final element to understanding Genesis 3:16 is the order of creation. What do we know about Adam and Eve's relationship in Genesis 1–2? We know that Adam was created first, and then Eve. When God created Adam, He placed Adam in the garden to work it and keep it. Furthermore, God gave Adam the responsibility of naming the animals:

Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. (Genesis 2:19)

Adam clearly had a leadership role in the Garden of Eden. Not only was he the garden's caretaker, but he also demonstrated his authority over the animals by naming them. 3 At this point, God declared, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). So God created Eve.

Adam's immediate response to meeting Eve, his suitable helper, was to declare that she is his counterpart, made from him, and to name her: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).

Positive Female Influence in the Black Family structure

The Woman's “Desire”

A second issue surrounding the interpretation of this verse is how to properly understand the Hebrew word for desire: teshuqah (תשׁוקת). Teshuqah appears only three times in Scripture.

“Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, emphasis added)

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7, emphasis added)

“I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me.” (Song of Solomon 7:10, emphasis added)

The opposite side of this is that “Bitch” she's demanding, oppressive, destructive, smothering, a man eater. And the energy that comes along with it is overwhelming and difficult for a man to manage

Evangelical Feminism and Other Faulty Interpretations

Because of the influence of evangelical feminism on the church (and the influence of feminism on the culture as a whole), some in the church balk at the idea of male headship in the family. In an attempt to conform to the popular ideas of the culture, evangelical feminists and others have proposed alternate interpretations of the meaning of the woman's “desire” and the Curse's affect on the marriage relationship.

One alternate interpretation is based on the parallel use of teshuqah in Song of Solomon 7:10, “I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me” (emphasis added). Because the use of teshuqah in that verse is sexual in nature, this interpretation claims that the woman's “desire” in Genesis 3:16 is a greatly increased sexual attraction to her husband. This interpretation may take two forms: (1) as a result of her increased attraction, the wife will willingly submit to her husband, making it easier for him to achieve a tyrannical, ungodly dominion over her, or (2) the husband will have a stronger desire for his wife as a companion, in response to her increased sexual attraction.

One problem with the first form of this interpretation is that the willing submission of the wife to her husband is not a punishment for sin. Eve as Adam's helper submitted willingly to him before the Fall. Part of the punishment is the wife's new temptation to usurp her husband's God-given authority. Regarding the second form, as I stated above, we have to remember that Genesis 3:14–19 is a judgment passage, so any resulting effects of the Curse will not be enjoyable blessings from God. To say that a couple's love for one another and their fidelity in marriage are increased as a result of the Curse simply is not logical.

Furthermore, if teshuqah is sexual in nature in Genesis 3:16 and Song of Solomon 7:10, then should we conclude that it is in Genesis 4:7 as well? But it does not make sense to say that sin had a sexual desire toward Cain. Indeed, Susan Foh examines the use of teshuqah in these passages and concludes, “the proper etymology in Arabic would be saqa, to urge, drive on, impel,”7 all giving the sense of attempting to gain power over someone or something.

In the evangelical feminist's alternate interpretation of the marriage relationship in Genesis, scholars such as Gilbert Bilezikian argue that words such as head or helper in Scripture are misunderstood. Bilezikian says of headship, “Head is never given the meaning of authority, boss or leader. It describes the servant function of provider of life, growth and development.”8 In one sense, Bilezikian has it right—the husband absolutely should desire to aid his wife and children in their spiritual growth. In fact, Scripture (Ephesians 5:28, 33) commands husbands to love their wives as they love themselves and as Christ loved the church (i.e., to the point of being willing to die for her). However, Scripture still clearly places the responsibility for leadership on the husband, both before and after the Fall.

Any sort of “team” must have a leader. In a marriage, that leader, by God's design, is the husband. Ephesians 5:22 states clearly, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Here Paul uses an analogy: As a woman submits to the leadership of the Lord, so should she also submit to the leadership of her husband. The type of leadership a husband is called to model is hardly the picture of ungodly, dictatorial leadership often painted by evangelical feminists. Rather, a godly husband's leadership is born of love for God and of love and respect for his wife, to the point of laying down his life for her (Ephesians 5:25). First Peter 3:7 even shows that a husband's own prayers are hindered if he fails to honor his wife and seek to understand her needs.

Bilezikian argues elsewhere, “There is not a hint, not even a whisper about anything like a hierarchical order existing between man and woman in the creation account of Genesis, chapters 1 and 2. … The creation order established oneness, not hierarchy (2:24). The first indication of a hierarchical order between man and woman resulted from the entrance of sin into the world (3:16).”9 Those claims have been addressed already, but it is unfortunate that Bilezikian is willing to place male headship under the umbrella of the Curse, when Scripture clearly does not.

The New Testament treats a harmonious marriage that is led by the husband as a blessing for both members. In fact, the properly functioning marriage full of love, mutual respect, and properly exercised authority is a picture of the blessed relationship we (both men and women) are to have with our Lord Jesus Christ, who is surely the Head of all Christians. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. we follow the leadership of Christ, who is our head. In the same way, a wife follows her husband's leadership, because God has placed him as head of the family—and we can trace this male headship even to the perfection of the Garden of Eden.

We encourage you to spend time in prayer with your fiancé/e to choose the reading which best speaks to your hopes and dreams for your Christian marriage.

Male and female he created them (Genesis 1:26-28, 31a)

The two of them become one body (Genesis 2:18-24)

In his love for Rebekah, Isaac found solace after the death of his mother(Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67)

May the Lord of heaven prosper you both. May he grant you mercy and peace(Tobit 7:6-14)

Allow us to live together to a happy old age (Tobit 8:4b-8)

The woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31)

Stern as death is love (Song of Songs 2:8-10, 14, 16a; 8:6-7a)

Like the sun rising in the Lord's heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife is the radiance of her home (Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16)

I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah(Jeremiah 31:31-32a, 33-34a

Complete trust in your mate, insures that no one can come in and divide that which you have built!! -Dr. Lovely

Submission (n.) late 14c., "act of referring to a third party for judgment or decision," from Old French submission or directly from Latin submissionem (nominative submissio) "a lowering, letting down; sinking," noun of action from past participle stem of submittere "to let down, put down, lower, reduce, yield" (see submit).

Sense of "humble obedience" is first recorded mid-15c. Modern French submission has been replaced by doublet soumission. English in 16c.-17c. also had an adjective submiss "humble, submissive." Submissionist in various political historical contexts is from 1828.

Rule (n.) c. 1200, "principle or maxim governing conduct, formula to which conduct must be conformed" from Old French riule, Norman reule "rule, custom, (religious) order" (in Modern French partially re-Latinized as règle), from Vulgar Latin *regula, from Latin regula "straight stick, bar, ruler;" figuratively "a pattern, a model," related to regere "to rule, straighten, guide" (from PIE root *reg- "move in a straight line," with derivatives meaning "to direct in a straight line," thus "to lead, rule"). Replaced Old English wealdan.

Meaning "regulation governing play of a game, etc." is from 1690s. Rule of law "supremacy of impartial and well-defined laws to any individual's power" is from 1883. Meaning "strip used for making straight lines or measuring" is recorded from mid-14c. Typography sense is attested from 1680s.

Positive Male Influence in the Black Family structure

The American culture doesn't afford the black man to be human in a psychological since (they are not expected to overcome their mistakes, nor the room to be upset about the way they've been treated, place excessive limitations upon them, constantly judge them for a system completely set up to basically destroy them. They must overstand they can not afford to be reckless with their lives.

The other aspect is black man Elude expressing their emotions because of the uncomfortableness that they feel when doing so. When dealing with

The Order of Creation

A final element to understanding Genesis 3:16 is the order of creation. What do we know about Adam and Eve's relationship in Genesis 1–2? We know that Adam was created first, and then Eve. When God created Adam, He placed Adam in the garden to work it and keep it. Furthermore, God gave Adam the responsibility of naming the animals:

Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. (Genesis 2:19)

Adam clearly had a leadership role in the Garden of Eden. Not only was he the garden's caretaker, but he also demonstrated his authority over the animals by naming them. 3 At this point, God declared, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). So God created Eve.

Adam's immediate response to meeting Eve, his suitable helper, was to declare that she is his counterpart, made from him, and to name her: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).

Positive Female Influence in the Black Family structure

The Woman's “Desire”

A second issue surrounding the interpretation of this verse is how to properly understand the Hebrew word for desire: teshuqah (תשׁוקת). Teshuqah appears only three times in Scripture.

“Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, emphasis added)

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7, emphasis added)

“I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me.” (Song of Solomon 7:10, emphasis added)

The opposite side of this is that “Bitch” she's demanding, oppressive, destructive, smothering, a man eater. And the energy that comes along with it is overwhelming and difficult for a man to manage

Evangelical Feminism and Other Faulty Interpretations

Because of the influence of evangelical feminism on the church (and the influence of feminism on the culture as a whole), some in the church balk at the idea of male headship in the family. In an attempt to conform to the popular ideas of the culture, evangelical feminists and others have proposed alternate interpretations of the meaning of the woman's “desire” and the Curse's affect on the marriage relationship.

One alternate interpretation is based on the parallel use of teshuqah in Song of Solomon 7:10, “I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me” (emphasis added). Because the use of teshuqah in that verse is sexual in nature, this interpretation claims that the woman's “desire” in Genesis 3:16 is a greatly increased sexual attraction to her husband. This interpretation may take two forms: (1) as a result of her increased attraction, the wife will willingly submit to her husband, making it easier for him to achieve a tyrannical, ungodly dominion over her, or (2) the husband will have a stronger desire for his wife as a companion, in response to her increased sexual attraction.

One problem with the first form of this interpretation is that the willing submission of the wife to her husband is not a punishment for sin. Eve as Adam's helper submitted willingly to him before the Fall. Part of the punishment is the wife's new temptation to usurp her husband's God-given authority. Regarding the second form, as I stated above, we have to remember that Genesis 3:14–19 is a judgment passage, so any resulting effects of the Curse will not be enjoyable blessings from God. To say that a couple's love for one another and their fidelity in marriage are increased as a result of the Curse simply is not logical.

Furthermore, if teshuqah is sexual in nature in Genesis 3:16 and Song of Solomon 7:10, then should we conclude that it is in Genesis 4:7 as well? But it does not make sense to say that sin had a sexual desire toward Cain. Indeed, Susan Foh examines the use of teshuqah in these passages and concludes, “the proper etymology in Arabic would be saqa, to urge, drive on, impel,”7 all giving the sense of attempting to gain power over someone or something.

In the evangelical feminist's alternate interpretation of the marriage relationship in Genesis, scholars such as Gilbert Bilezikian argue that words such as head or helper in Scripture are misunderstood. Bilezikian says of headship, “Head is never given the meaning of authority, boss or leader. It describes the servant function of provider of life, growth and development.”8 In one sense, Bilezikian has it right—the husband absolutely should desire to aid his wife and children in their spiritual growth. In fact, Scripture (Ephesians 5:28, 33) commands husbands to love their wives as they love themselves and as Christ loved the church (i.e., to the point of being willing to die for her). However, Scripture still clearly places the responsibility for leadership on the husband, both before and after the Fall.

Any sort of “team” must have a leader. In a marriage, that leader, by God's design, is the husband. Ephesians 5:22 states clearly, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Here Paul uses an analogy: As a woman submits to the leadership of the Lord, so should she also submit to the leadership of her husband. The type of leadership a husband is called to model is hardly the picture of ungodly, dictatorial leadership often painted by evangelical feminists. Rather, a godly husband's leadership is born of love for God and of love and respect for his wife, to the point of laying down his life for her (Ephesians 5:25). First Peter 3:7 even shows that a husband's own prayers are hindered if he fails to honor his wife and seek to understand her needs.

Bilezikian argues elsewhere, “There is not a hint, not even a whisper about anything like a hierarchical order existing between man and woman in the creation account of Genesis, chapters 1 and 2. … The creation order established oneness, not hierarchy (2:24). The first indication of a hierarchical order between man and woman resulted from the entrance of sin into the world (3:16).”9 Those claims have been addressed already, but it is unfortunate that Bilezikian is willing to place male headship under the umbrella of the Curse, when Scripture clearly does not.

The New Testament treats a harmonious marriage that is led by the husband as a blessing for both members. In fact, the properly functioning marriage full of love, mutual respect, and properly exercised authority is a picture of the blessed relationship we (both men and women) are to have with our Lord Jesus Christ, who is surely the Head of all Christians. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. we follow the leadership of Christ, who is our head. In the same way, a wife follows her husband's leadership, because God has placed him as head of the family—and we can trace this male headship even to the perfection of the Garden of Eden.

We encourage you to spend time in prayer with your fiancé/e to choose the reading which best speaks to your hopes and dreams for your Christian marriage.

Male and female he created them (Genesis 1:26-28, 31a)

The two of them become one body (Genesis 2:18-24)

In his love for Rebekah, Isaac found solace after the death of his mother(Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67)

May the Lord of heaven prosper you both. May he grant you mercy and peace(Tobit 7:6-14)

Allow us to live together to a happy old age (Tobit 8:4b-8)

The woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31)

Stern as death is love (Song of Songs 2:8-10, 14, 16a; 8:6-7a)

Like the sun rising in the Lord's heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife is the radiance of her home (Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16)

I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah(Jeremiah 31:31-32a, 33-34a