There was a third reason that lurked in my mind as to why I wanted to do the Exodus 90 challenge, as I discussed in my last post. As I’ve written at length about in other posts, I was a slow convert to belief in God. But I knew that my faith was not yet rooted deep. Events in my life, plus the addition of the pandemic, made me realize how fragile this world really is. Society is a tenuous thing, held together with duct tape and bubble gum, as are corporations, and even families. Like the stock market, the social contract we live under could tumble at any time. Marriages and families crumble every day as husbands and wives capitulate to their wants and desires. Companies that are making money have high spirits, but as soon as a bad quarter comes along the lukewarm employees begin to flee like rats on a sinking ship.

The wheel of fortune would spin eventually, likely soon, and I felt that I lacked the fortitude that would be needed in the inevitable chaos. The unpredictable changes of life and society could bring any outcome, as we are all pawns in an infinite game of three-dimensional chess. Having read enough dystopian novels and history books, I realize that hard times will come, that this American moment of excess and plenty is temporary. Moreover, it was obvious to me that throughout history the one thing that prevailed and still prevails is faith and the Church. Despite a thousand attacks against Christianity, from government attempts to destroy it, or the constant hatred from all sides (including from itself), still it stands. Some how, some way, faith and the Church remains, and never dies. And of course now it’s easy to understand why it never dies. As long as there are people in this universe, and the story of Jesus is alive in even one person, it will return in full, always and forever.

It does not take a prophet to predict the fall of nations, as the empires of this world wax and wane every hundred years, and the prophets of old could feel a nation’s decline without reading The Fate of Empires or measuring economic statistics. On the one hundred year anniversary of World War I, we can marvel at the change in worldly power in a single century, as the Austro-Hungarians must have wondered what hit them. Likewise, I recall walking through the ruins of the Roman Forum, being in awe of the decay around me, where such great names like Cicero and Caesar had walked and where major events once occurred. All the while I could not help but compare it to the mall in Washington D.C., since it is a modern Forum. What will a thousand years of time and weather would do to the Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument? The famous poem Ozymandius comes to mind.

Am I ready for the change when it comes? For a time when a nation splinters and fractures into civil war? Was I even ready to handle losing my job? Or my health? What about my life?

Was I prepared to deal with the loss of loved ones? Could I be the rock that others would need in that time, or would I crumble like sand? Would I stand there with nothing to offer, as I used to when I was an atheist, and say, “Let me know if I can help in any way,” offering only empty platitudes to the sorrowful? (As if mowing their lawn or running errands would help heal their heart, when they are aching for a spiritual solace.)

Would I avoid talk of God or salvation because I didn’t want to look like a Jesus freak? Or would I have courage, and be willing to pray with people and offer them the hope and love of Jesus who died for our sins? The way of seeing the world between the non-believer and believer is stark when the real things in life, the things that really matter, come to the fore.

I do know who was able to withstand all of these changes, and stare death in the face and go to it without fear. It’s painfully obvious who that person is. He was able to not only live without sin, but face the greatest sins and insults of this world, and still go to his death with hope and love. The opposite of fear is faith, and radical trust in God.

The saints did their best to imitate Christ, except they were all sinners. The key thing about the saints is that they knew they were sinners, but still they had faith. The world could take everything from them, beat them, suppress them, hate them, jail them, kill them - and still, there they were, still standing with faith, hope, and charity when they drew their final breath in our world.

Even today, Christians are loathed and hated and still being persecuted actively, and still the light of faith continues to pass to the next candle, and the next, and the next. You can see it every Sunday at Mass. Even as the different types of Christian faiths bicker, the light shines in all of them: Lutheran, Evangelical, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist, Catholic - the light does not go out, and the reason why is because it is impossible to extinguish. The world has tried everything, literally every possible way to bury this belief, and the flame remains today and still spreads, even flourishing against the fire extinguisher known as the internet, where hordes mock and deride religious people every day.

By 2050, Christianity is predicted to be the largest religion, yet we are told by the media and academics that this religion called Christianity is dying. What they don’t realize is that, even if this faith in Jesus is snuffed out in one corner, the fire magically re-ignites itself in a new place, somewhere else, and there is no question that a revival will come again to the places where it is fading today. No video game or drug or car or house or surgery or accomplishment or website will ever cure the needs of the heart, as much as we pretend otherwise. I could only distract myself for so long, and as St. Augustine said, “Our hearts our restless until it rests in God.”

The light needed to become stronger in me. I was like a wooden match barely burning. And there was one thing, especially, that I needed to shine the light upon. Most importantly: was I strong enough and committed enough in my marriage to handle the storms? Could that light remain flickering in the darkest of nights?

It took me quite a few years to realize how sacred marriage is, or to even realize that it really is sacred. Unsurprising to anyone who has the order of priority in life sorted out, this realization about marriage came to me once I had finally set God on top of my list of concerns. When you don’t believe, those with faith will annoy you with tips like, “Put God first and everything else will fall into place.” That is so irritating. When you are not ordered first to faith, that sentence is like nails on a chalkboard. But then I learned to hear properly. The sentence sounds just fine once you are have priorities in the the right order.

“Unless you believe, you will not understand,” or said another way, “Unless your faith is firm, you will not be firm.” Oddly enough, I ain’t even mad now about my being out of tune for so long. I just wished I’d sooner listened to the music.

An awareness of this gap in my faith probably aided me just enough to say yes to join the Exodus 90 group. I have found that saying “Yes” to new things, with a positive goal, is the way to strengthening my belief. However, that must come with a definitive “No” to the self, which is always vying to be the center of attention. I want to make myself first, the chosen one of my life. But for any lasting happiness, the self must be at a minimum of third. Faith must forever be first, followed by family, with marriage being at the peak of the family, even over the members known as husband and wife. As I have come to remember it, the order of things that works the best is the five F’s: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, Finances.

This must be an ongoing project, really a constant one. To grow toward faith requires care and feeding, and some days are much better than others at efforting toward that goal. Anyone who is married knows the struggles and resentments can outweigh the joys if you let it happen. The little foibles of each person become enraging annoyances if we let them, while we ignore our own foibles that enrage and annoy others.

A truly great marriage requires submission of both people toward this mystical union known as “marriage”. For many years, for so many years, I failed to understand what marriage actually is, and I don’t think I truly understood the word marriage until I listened to Timothy Keller’s series on the topic (links below). The irony is that while being married and seemingly functional in that state, I was walking blind and oblivious to the entire purpose.

If you are married and struggling, or considering marriage, or even in a relationship, or thinking of getting into a relationship, or thinking of getting a pet, or even alive and drawing oxygen - then I would encourage you to skip your next Netflix series and give these podcasts at the end of this article a listen. I came across this series and realized that having a terrific marriage does not require fasting for 40 days in the desert. It’s actually much simpler than that. This too is a kind of Why Did Peter Sink? story: when you lose focus on the purpose of marriage, you start to sink.

Having a great marriage requires recognizing it as something sacred and giving all to that union. As a non-believer, the idea of the sacred was a joke to me, and that was exactly why I had no anchors in life. A good marriage requires knowing and committing to the unassailable idea that “the essence of marriage is a promise.” The cause of every problem of every marriage is self-centeredness. The modern idea that the other person needs to make you happy is a recipe for failure, as we see every day in our culture. The reality is that each person must submit to the other and to the marriage, completely and wholly. The way to success is the exact opposite of what modern society teaches us about relationships. Consider the saying that is so common now: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” That is probably the worst advice and most openly selfish relationship quote imaginable, but is now being passed about as sage wisdom.

Ok, there is much more than I can re-iterate here. Listen to the series. There are just a few prerequisites: turn off any distractions, set aside your cynicism, and stop clutching your grudges about your wife or girlfriend. The only thing you have to lose is your ego.

Marriage as Ministry Power

Marriage as Commitment

Marriage as Commitment and Priority

Marriage as Priority and Friendship

Marriage as Friendship

Marriage as Completion: One Flesh

Marriage as Completion: Gender Roles part 1

Marriage as Completion: Gender Roles part 2

Marriage Supper of the Lamb

Marriage as Ministry Power

Marriage as Commitment

Marriage as Commitment and Priority

Marriage as Priority and Friendship

Marriage as Friendship

Marriage as Completion: One Flesh

Marriage as Completion: Gender Roles part 1

Marriage as Completion: Gender Roles part 2

Marriage Supper of the Lamb

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