What do zookeeping, spiritual gift tests, and wildly questionable discernment scores have in common? This episode of the Bible Belt Bros Podcast, that’s what. Join Andrew and Dusty as they tackle deep theological mysteries like “Did Jesus stand on soapboxes?” and “Can ‘Helps’ actually be a spiritual gift, or is that just Christian for ‘people pleaser’?” It’s equal parts hilarious roast and accidental insight—plus, Andrew might be changing careers to feed giraffes. 

Andrew and Dusty begin with a signature tangent: Andrew has a new life plan. He’s applying to be a zookeeper. This revelation comes out of nowhere and isn't revisited with any serious theological backing—Andrew just thinks it’d be fun to work with animals and carry a stick around. It’s an entertaining cold open that sets the tone for the rest of the episode: part hilarious detour, part unfiltered theological musing.

From there, Andrew jumps into his soapbox of the week, questioning whether Jesus ever got on a soapbox himself. This thought led him down a short-lived research rabbit hole where he promptly forgot all the facts he found. The core of the soapbox was a reflection on how little of Jesus’ words are actually recorded in the Bible. Andrew estimated that the average person speaks around 16,000 words a day, and with only 37,000 to 57,000 of Jesus’ words recorded, we may only have about two and a half days’ worth of His teachings. This realization leads the hosts to muse about the massive gaps between what Jesus did and what was documented.

That theological pondering quickly transitions into the main topic: spiritual gifts and personality tests. Andrew recently took an online spiritual gifts test and shares the results. His highest-ranking gift is "Helps," while scoring zero in "Discernment." Dusty immediately challenges both the legitimacy of the test and the results. His response to "Helps" being a spiritual gift is sarcastic and dismissive: "That’s not a gift, that’s being a good person."

The conversation turns into a comedic breakdown of the spiritual gifts Andrew allegedly has. Dusty goes down the list from the test and calls out each one, essentially rejecting them as false based on his own observations. Andrew’s attempts to defend his gifts are countered by Dusty’s suspicion that Andrew just clicked random answers to finish the test quickly. The comedic tension lies in Dusty’s confidence that he knows Andrew better than the test does—and his high score in "Discernment" is his excuse for not believing a word of it.

Andrew tries to explain that the value of these tests lies in helping people understand where they fit within the church. He reflects on the fivefold ministry—apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers—and how different gifts align with different roles. He acknowledges that he’s probably more of a behind-the-scenes support person, not someone who should be leading from the front.

Despite the jokes, there’s a sincere moment where Andrew explains how understanding his gifts gave him confidence in knowing he doesn’t have to perform upfront to serve. This leads to a brief mention of how churches often misuse or overemphasize certain gifts while undervaluing others like Helps.

Dusty, however, maintains a skeptical tone throughout, poking fun at the idea that clicking through multiple-choice questions can reveal deep spiritual truths. He particularly critiques the "Discernment" category, arguing that someone without it could still use a "gift of Helps" in all the wrong ways—"like helping a guy rob a bank."

The episode never fully lands on whether spiritual gift tests are helpful, accurate, or biblical, but the guys do land on one thing: they’re entertaining. Andrew’s earnest attempt to understand his calling and Dusty’s relentless commentary make for a dynamic mix of introspection and comic relief.

As the episode wraps, the spiritual gift discussion takes a backseat to more sarcasm and lighthearted back-and-forth. Andrew continues defending the test. Dusty continues roasting him. And in the end, listeners are left with a few laughs, some lingering questions about their own gifts, and the image of Andrew at the Tulsa Zoo holding a stick.

This episode doesn’t offer clear answers about spiritual gifts or the effectiveness of online tests. But it does offer an honest look at two friends navigating faith with humor, skepticism, and the occasional zookeeper application.

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