Photo: A stormy day along the Missouri River. Helena, Montana (2024). Copyright SJPhotography.

Dying to Everything That Comes: A Personal Practice of Surrender and Freedom

I have a practice of turning toward the scary things in life and surrendering to them. It has been a harsh practice at times, but with the world becoming more chaotic, it feels like the only option left.

I know it’s not just me. The world feels like it’s all too much. It’s overwhelming, chaotic, and gut-wrenching. Like a freight train headed for oblivion. Everywhere we turn, people are consumed by hatred and division, and it’s hard to know who to trust or where to turn. So many of us end up alone with our fears, worries, and unrelenting pain, feeling like we have no one to talk to. But it’s in this darkness that we find true liberation.

The answers we’re looking for won’t come from out there. They never will. They’re already inside of us. But before we can even begin to find them, we have to meet ourselves with awareness and self-love. We have to understand the wholeness of who we truly are and stop looking outside for validation. Don’t waste another moment thinking someone else can fix this for you. The only one who can show you the way is YOU.

Come home to yourself, and start the journey.

I know how hard this can be. Life, in its full rawness, can feel unbearable. The weight of the world presses in, our minds spiral with anxiety, fear, and overwhelming emotions. In those times, it can feel as though we are at the mercy of everything, and there is no way forward. I’ve been there. I’ve lived through deep family trauma, CPTSD, and emotional overload, and there were moments when the pain seemed endless. But it was in those moments of suffering that I found a practice to break free - not just from the pain but from the relentless fear and resistance to it.

This practice, which I call "dying to everything that comes," is something I created from my own experience living with CPTSD. It is my way of surrendering to what is, no matter how painful, no matter how unbearable. It is a practice of radical acceptance. I don’t mean a passive acceptance where you simply give in to the pain and let it defeat you. No. This is the radical act of active surrender - dying to the pain, to the anxiety, to the fear, to overwhelming emotions. It’s not about trying to control or change the situation, but about letting go of the resistance that keeps us stuck.

In my practice, when the chaos, pain, fear, anger or overwhelm rises within me, threatening to sink me, I say: "Fine, have me, take me, consume me. I die to all of it." It’s a bold, brazen declaration to stop resisting. It’s like facing a bully who’s been terrorizing you for too long. At first, you resist, but eventually, you get so fed up that you look at the bully, and say “Fine - let’s dance mother f***er!” But the bully never follows through - it shrinks and dissolves into nothingness because it was never about the pain - it was about control and fear, and keeping you stuck.

When you turn towards the sensation of fear and feel it fully, you realize that it is not something outside you but a part of your experience. It is not an enemy to be defeated, but simply a sensation that passes when we stop resisting it.

_Rupert Spira, The Transparency of Things

Share HeartBalm

Read more