It's Mike's Birthday and he can't figure out why he never transformed from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan as he was promised as a child. We also discuss spending Christmas on the floor of an empty house, whether Jon's girlfriend should hang Mike's genitalia calendar and ask the question: Is it illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day?

Contact Mike and Jon at [email protected] especially with any new conspiracy theories as we are running out, or any fun facts, or frankly...just to let us know anyone is listening.

Theme tune is sampled from Walking Back to El Paso from texasradiofish