Forget “summer slowdown” — DC is on uppers! Web3 mixers, AI hype, and crypto market “clarity” are all popping off while PayPal opens a shiny new crypto window. Meanwhile, the Clarity Act creeps through Congress, government wallets are moving big bags, and suddenly Visa and Mastercard look like boomers at the blockchain beach party.

Toner and Lara pull back the curtain on the tokenization takeover: AI agents swiping your cards for you, Uncle Sam angling to corner crypto reserves, and a full-on global arms race for who controls the digital vault. August isn’t sleepy — it’s a financial fever dream hurtling toward economic regime change.