We had the privilege of speaking with Joy Loverde, author of two books, The Complete Eldercare Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old. She’s an expert in this area of solo agers and we are grateful that she shared her insight with our followers.

Who Will Take Care of Me When I Get Old?

 

This is a very important question and Joy says that the answer is yourself. It’s a mindset. You have to have the willingness to talk to others, make plans, and be willing to have these difficult conversations right now. These conversations include signing legal documents, having them in order, and having money in the bank.

Joy says that quite often, people are surprised to learn they are the person to take over the roll of caring for someone. You never know who will land on your doorstep or something will happen to us.

The reality is that some people do not have family members that will around when the time comes. There are community groups out there for just this situation.

There are situations where there is no one to care for you and you run the risk of becoming a ward of the state. This is not ideal. Joy says that you should do your research now to see what you may need down the road. The worst thing you can do is do nothing.

Benefits of Aging in Place

There are quite a few benefits to aging in place. But you need to show up and get out in the community where you live so that others get to know you and you get to know them.

We get to know our surroundings and navigate them by memory, and if we get to know our strengths and weaknesses now where we live, it will be beneficial to aging in place. You have to be conscious of where you live. You can’t assume that things will be in place all the time. That goes for both inside and outside of the home in the community.

Disadvantages of Aging in Place

There are certainly a few disadvantages and risks, starting with the home aging along with us. A bedroom on the second floor or basement laundry may also pose problems.

Another huge issue is that as we age, we may become forgetful. Being alone and forgetful is a recipe for disaster, especially financially. We need to remember to keep money in the bank, pay bills, etc.

Lastly, there is a caregiver shortage. There may not be anyone available to help when you finally make the call to an in-home agency.

Manhattan and other big cities are a great place to age alone, as the city is walkable, and the buildings have security. One advantage is that it’s easier to make friends. People tend to get know their doorman, neighbors, and even the mailman. Buildings become their own community. There are also many social activities you can get involved in that you can walk to.

Outside of the city, transportation can become an issue. Particularly driving cars as we age. This is something to consider. You will need to factor in the cost of paying for ride share cars each time.

How to Reduce Social Isolation (Zero Isolation)

Joy’s chapter Zero Isolation talks about how to make friends. She says that one of the things we need to look for when we join an organization is to make sure there is new people coming in all the time. You want to look for clubs where there is a revolving door which will keep the organization thriving. If there are no new members, the pool of friends and members may dry up. You can also seek out new things online – cooking classes, language classes, etc. Just get out there and meet people.

Another discussion is eating alone. While eating alone is fine, Joy recommends trying to eat with people as often as you’re able. This can be as simple as eating on a park bench with a new friend and inviting them to share your meal. Sharing your thoughts and ideas over food is a great way to meet new friends.

During the holidays, Joy says that you do not have to feel obligated to go to family dinners. Family dinners aren’t always positive and happy, and you simply don’t have to go. However, you should be prepared that you may be lonely. A good idea is to plan something for yourself on that particular day, even if it’s to clean and reorganize your closet.

How We Both Got Into Serving this Community

Anthony is a professional executor. He is hired to navigate estates and probates for families and heirs that are not nearby or are unable to serve. He realized that there is a great demand for this type of assistance, and he enjoys being able to help people in this situation.

Joy saw a group of elders sitting alone in the dark at a nursing home on Thanksgiving when she was just 14 years old. She didn’t understand why they ended up this way, especially since she comes from a large Italian family. Over time, she realized that it was a lack of communication between family members, leading her to write her first book. She wanted to get people talking and we are grateful she has.

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