Learn more in this episode about parentification and being Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents-

From Dr. LePera

Here are some signs you grew up parentified:

1. You believe it’s your responsibility to manage other people’s emotions: You struggle to let people be upset or hurt and try to make everyone feel better, even if it burns you out.
2. You have rescuer or fixer tendencies: You might be called ‘the glue of the family" or be the person everyone turns to when they’re having problems.
3. You’re drawn to needy or irresponsible friends or partners: When we grow up having to be responsible for our parents, we’re drawn to adult relationships where we play this same role. It’s your comfort space (even if it feels miserable, you know what to do).
4. If you do set a boundary, you feel incredible guilt: When you turn something down or say no, your mind starts to race afterward. Your heart beats faster. Your brain tells you you’re an awful person, and you’re covered in overwhelming guilt.
5. You don’t know who you actually are: You have an idea of who you are, but most of that comes through your job, your family, or something outside of yourself.
6. You’re overly-invested in the outcome of other people’s lives: You aren’t able to allow someone to make free-will choices or to live in the consequences of their own actions. If someone struggles (ex: stays in a toxic relationship), it hits you very hard and becomes your entire focus. 
7. You believe self-sacrifice is admirable: You feel strongly that putting others first is one of the most important traits a person can have. Your greatest (deepest) fear is being seen as selfish. 

The problem with parentification is it has us believing 3 main myths. 

Myths that sabotage our chance of having healthy relationships. 

Some physical symptoms of being parentified:

• You have “mystery” pain or illness that comes and goes when highly stressed
• You have gut and/or digestion issues
• You have an autoimmune disorder 
• You have headaches, skin problems, or rashes that seemingly come out of nowhere 

Our body remembers. But the good part is, we can all heal from parentification. 

It’s not easy. It does take work and commitment. But there are things you can start to practice that will help you break the pattern. 

Heal From Parentification: 

1. The one small promise plan: You’ve probably not focused on yourself for a long time. And that has broken your trust with yourself. It’s time to restore that trust. Make ONE small promise to yourself that you’re going to do every day. Examples: Drink one glass of water, go for a walk around the block, do not go on your phone before 8 am, eat one healthy home-cooked meal, etc. You want this to be something that’s not high effort and that you know you can do daily. Cheer yourself on, and remember that when you take care of yourself this way, you can actually be there for other people. 

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