Today we watched Denzel Washington play a bedridden wheelie detective in the murder thriller The Bone Collector. Despite a few cringe cripple jokes and questionable parallels to Hannibal Lector, the film contains an element of rare disabled power fantasy that is worth examining. We also discuss the merits of pureed burgers, abstaining from care for sake of politeness, the wrecklessness of walking backwards, and knuckle rubbing.