This week, we don’t see why we wouldn’t discuss the treasonous #HelsinkiSummit, a matricidal Arizona state senate candidate, necrophiliac crows, poison parsnips, a nose-biting party guest who overstayed her welcome, FitBit coke addicts, straw shaming, the Chick-Fil-A baby, and Andrew Cuomo’s desperate attempts to build grassroots credibility in New York by enlisting a Crossfit enthusiast.

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