In this episode, Yaneza discusses having important and difficult conversations. You will learn how to prepare for and approach these different types of conversations in a way that allows you to speak your own truth and better understand whoever you are speaking with. Yaneza shares her advice on how to have conversations with friends, family, peers, and more. Whether you are preparing to have a conversation or simply want to refine your knowledge, this episode is for you.

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Show notes:
Here are some quick notes from today's episode to help you with your conversations!

Basics:

• Reflection is essential to prepare yourself for these conversations!
• With practice, this becomes easier.
• Figure out what you want to accomplish
  • What will be a successful outcome for you?
  • How will you know you succeeded?
• Determine what you need to feel comfortable to be vulnerable and share your truth
  • Think of your values and how they can be applied to the conversation.
• Make sure you are in a space that is comfy and safe for everyone involved
  • Try for a more “neutral” space, not a space that is very obviously one person’s “territory”
• Start your discussion with acknowledging how much you care for that person and transition to how you want to discuss something important but before that, you want to establish norms that will make it easy for you both to feel welcome to share your truths
  • Invite them to establish norms as well! Do not dominate in this area, make sure it is clear that this is a space for everyone to contribute.
• This is an act of love!

Notes from our té:

• What norms do you set for your parents?
  • When one person is talking, the other person is listening the entire time without interrupting.
  • Know that I am doing this because I love you and respect you. I know you love and respect me as well. We will do our best to show that by listening to understand.
  • Try your best not to get defensive and instead be reflective.
  • Age does not determine or diminish experience: it is important for me to know that as I speak my truth, you will not belittle it by saying I am “too young” or I do not understand due to my age. In the same way, I will not dismiss your experiences or feelings by saying you are “too old” or do not understand because of your age. 
  • Generally: I find it’s best practice to lead with examples of how you will respect these rules and how they apply to your parents. Empathy is the best policy. Emphasize love and respect throughout.
• How do you recognize when norms are being broken when you're emotionally invested in conversation? Like when you're the one breaking the norms? What do you do when norms are being broken? How do you refocus the conversation?
  • If you are feeling emotionally charged, that is a good sign that you may be breaking norms.
  • If you notice norms are being broken, name it.
  • Return to the point you were making. I like to regroup if it was a serious pause and review where we were in the discussion before carrying on.

Things to remember:

• Reflect during the entire process
• Set norms/essential agreements
• Actively listen
• This is an act of love, treat it as such
• Be okay with no resolution

I hope all you beautiful souls gain a lot from this episode. These conversations are difficult but necessary. Sending you the most positive energy! You got this! (: