And now, for his next miracle, he will attempt to read

There are moments in American public life that force you to confront the outer limits of plausibility. This is one of them.

Donald Trump is scheduled to read from the Bible.

Read.

Not wave. Not autograph. Not hold upside down like a prop in a hostage video for literacy. Read. Words. In sequence. Out loud. Presumably without filing a lawsuit against the vowels.

I want to be very clear: I am not questioning his faith. I am questioning his relationship with sentences.

This is a man who has spent a lifetime treating language the way a raccoon treats a garbage can—aggressively, opportunistically, and with no long-term plan. His public statements read like autocorrect gave up halfway through and went out for a drink.

And now we are to believe he will navigate Scripture.

The Bible.