Embrace Your Center

EYC004 Alive and Colorful Meditation

Written by:  Julie Blackburn, LCPC

Sit back, relax and take some time for you.

This meditation walks you through colors and encourages you to associate your unique qualities to each color.  This is a great tool for when you have been up against some challenges or feeling defeated.  I’ve attached a handout for you if you would like to capture your thoughts.

Take some time for you, you are worth it!

Alive and Colorful Handout

Self Care, Self Love and Reclaiming Joy written by: Julie Blackburn, LCPC, NCC, ATR You have been trying to conceive or build your family for quite some time. You have consumed yourself with growing your family, going to Dr. Google …

Surviving the Holidays and Other Special Occasions

by Julie Blackburn, LCPC, NCC, ATR

We are talking about surviving the holidays and other special occasions on this episode of Embracing Your Center. Holidays and special occasions are such a hot topic in counseling sessions. It seems these gatherings send us on a spiral of anticipation:

* Some mild aggravation as an event is approaching and then you finally connect with what’s behind that irritation.

* You are very aware of yours stressors and are overcome with worry and nervousness as the event approaches and your actual experience is not quite the train wreck that you created in your mind.

* There is the situation where the anxiety is totally warranted and the family or friends are true to their personalities and the gathering goes exactly as you imagined.

I want you to expand your thoughts of the holidays and special events to go beyond the traditional Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, Easter, birthdays, anniversaries… Consider some others.

Let’s think about it… throughout the year and our lives, we may be preparing for celebrations and are faced with an incongruent anticipation:

* Special parades or community events you attend every year

* Baby showers, bridal showers, weddings or graduations

* Annual vacations or trips and reunions

Now there are very private special occasions that maybe only known to you. This can become very isolating as the day draws closer. These special events are so important. These days have a tendency to sneak up on us because they are not highlighted on a calendar as recognized holidays.

Let’s spend some time talking about what can you do to survive and reduce your anticipation for these days. We cannot truly predict how things will go. We can develop an understanding of our own needs and ourselves so that we may have the greatest level of comfort.

* Disarm the sneak attack… Get these events on a calendar.

* Get the dates on your annual calendar and use colors to bring attention to specific special dates.

* If your calendar is in your phone, tablet, or computer, use the reminder option to give you a daily reminder for a week or two in preparation for those important days.

* Identify your concern – Recognize the true worry.

* Create a worry list or do a 5-minute writing sprint with anticipation as your intention.

* If you are concerned about erupting emotions, there’s something underlying there. Further explore topics, people, or parts of the day that may be a source of stress.

* Ask yourself – What do I need?

* What is going to be best for you to enjoy these gatherings to the fullest?

* Potential for push back. Coming to terms as to what is best for you may not be popular or what others may want or expect from you. If you understand the why of what you need, communication about your thoughts and plans is so much easier to articulate.

* Recognize you may not be the only one hurting this year during these times. Other people may have needs to do things differently too.

* Plan & Prepare

* The idea here is to think of both the worst-case scenario AND the best-case scenario. You have already built up the worst-case scenario in your mind. Now it’s time to also envision what a great gathering may be like for you too. Chances are that your experience will be somewhere in the middle.

* Identify verbal, behavioral and social strategies.

* Verbal coping is to be rehearsed… so think about how you want to respond to questions about your situation and practice

* Behavioral coping may look like simply leaving when you are ready, listening in on conversations prior to joining or give yourself a job to excuse yourself.

How is your support system working out for you?  When it really comes down to it, are the people in your life showing up how you thought they would? Learn how to reconnect to them in this podcast episode about your Circle of Support. Get the show notes and download handout at www.julieblackburnlcpc.com/podcast/eyc006-circle-of-support

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Welcome to Embrace Your Center where we focus on topics surrounding fertility, perinatal and grief issues. Today we are talking about reconnecting with our love relationships through the family building journey. Articles of possible interest: 2014 infertility and divorce …

Sometimes when we have a basic understanding of what we are experiencing, it becomes a little more bearable. Learning and knowing about grief doesn’t make the loss go away or make the pain go away. It simply gives meaning to your current situation. You can then move from trying to explain your experience to discovering methods to attend to yourself. Really using your resources to help you because you can identify the root of the issue you are facing.

I really like William Worden’s Tasks of Grief. It’s simple to understand where as there are only 4 tasks and it really makes sense.   The Tasks of Grief were created with bereavement as the focus – really tasks of mourning. These tasks can be applied to life situations… to all sorts of losses in addition to bereavement. You’ll be able to see yourself in a specific task once you understand it…

Worden’s Tasks of Grief

(summarized from Worden’s 2008 book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy and interpreted for the purpose of life application)

* Task 1 – Recognizing the loss has occurred.  Realize the loss has actually occurred.

* Task 2 – Experience the pain of the grief.  Most of my clients are looking for a quick fix to the emotional pain or what is the lesson plan to move on from the emotions. Once this task is better understood, and you begin to better understand your grief indicators, this task becomes more manageable. There is no getting around this task… This task is necessary to move through.

* Task 3 – Adjust to the environment in which the deceased or the loss is missing.  When we are talking about other life losses, I have easily framed this task as adjusting to your new life. This task is chock full of things to do… it’s a very active task of adjusting. Many clients reference this as feeling like a teenager, you have some knowledge, you are trying things on your own or differently, and your confidence is re-emerging. This is truly a trial and error time frame full of redefining roles, examining relationships, testing your limits, accepting help in a way that is comfortable for you and learning new things. Additionally, This is such an abstract and existential task. In this task, we adjust to a new relationship with what is lost as well… trying to stay connected to what is loss in a meaningful way. Is that spiritual connection for you? Is it a relationship based on memories? Is it a love only you know and you want to share with the world? Your heart has a special spot that will always hold what was lost. It’s important to define a new relationship with that loss as you continue to heal.

* Task 4 – Withdraw emotional energy from what was lost and invest in new relationships and interests. This may sound harsh and I must tell you, this happens very naturally. This by no means to forget your loved one or forget the life you once lived. Quite the contrary… you honor life and your lost as well as continue living and loving. It simply indicates that you are no longer overwhelmed with the emotional pain and busy-ness of adjusting that you have the energy and interest to pursue life. Some folks will create foundations or become active for a specific cause. I’ve seen clients grow and blossom beautiful tributes to their lost loved ones, run races or scale buildings in honor of causes, and create support networks to continue to help others. This is a beautiful task.

I hope you have been able to see yourself in some of the information I’ve already shared. I encourage you to search him and you will find YouTube videos and many clinicians and hospices talking about his work.

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