Emotional intelligence podcast Hello and welcome to this podcast brought to you by That's English!, the Spanish Ministry of Education's official distance learning English course. To find out more about That's English! go to www.thatsenglish.com or contact your local Official School of Languages. Kate: Hi Drew! Sorry I'm a bit late but I couldn't get here any faster. Drew: Ah, don't worry, Kate. Thanks for coming at such short notice. Kate: So, what's up? What's the rush? Drew: Well, I need you to be my guinea pig... Kate: I beg your pardon... Drew: Yes, you see, I'm doing a course about emotional intelligence and I need you to give me a hand. Kate: Well, I don't think I'll be of much help. I really don't know anything about emotional intelligence. Drew: Well, that's exactly why I think you can help me out. I have to prepare a paper about the different types of behaviour that are characteristic of emotionally intelligent people and I'd like you to tell me how easy it is for you to adopt this kind of behaviour. Kate: OK...that sounds interesting. I'm ready when you are. Drew: Great! First I'll give you a definition of emotional intelligence as opposed to IQ or intelligence quotient. Kate: Oh, I'm usually quite good at IQ tests... Drew: I'd absolutely no doubt you would be...So, as you know, IQ tests measure your ability to reason, based on standardized problem- solving tests and in the good old days, a person's success was thought to depend on their IQ. Kate: And I suppose now you're going to tell me that success depends on emotional intelligence. Drew: Exactly! Nowadays emotional intelligence is thought to be, and I quote, "the critical factor that sets star performers from the rest of the pack." According to some research I've read about, "90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence." Kate: Well that's a pretty convincing figure. So, tell me, how would you define emotional intelligence? Drew: Well, on the course we were told that it includes three skills: emotional awareness. That is the ability to control your emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving. It is also ability to perceive other people's emotions so you can adjust to their mood and help them cheer up or calm down, for example. Kate: So, one of the keys to emotional intelligence is empathy. Drew: That's right, Kate. An emotionally intelligent person is empathetic. Not only do they have the ability to understand and share other people's feelings but they are also able to identify and master their own emotions and can pinpoint exactly how they feel because they have, what is called, a "robust emotional vocabulary." Kate: How do you mean? Drew: Well, take yourself this morning, for instance...You got here later than you had planned. How did that make you feel? Kate: A bit stressed, irritated maybe, 'cause I missed a tube by the skin of my teeth. Drew: So, you might have felt exasperated or even angry... Kate: Yes, I suppose so... Drew: In fact, emotions often hide other emotions. A teenager may appear to be angry when they are actually afraid, afraid of not being good enough or not being able to fit in, you see? So, the more precise you are about labelling your emotions, the easier it will be for you to master them and decide how you should react in different situations. Kate: I see...And what other things are characteristic of emotionally intelligent people? Drew: Well, they don't seek perfection... Kate: Really? That does surprise me. I've always thought that the key to success was to strive for perfection. I always try to do things as well as I possibly can. Drew: And when things don't turn out "perfectly," how does that make you feel? Kate: To be honest, if it's my fault because of something I've done wrong or because I haven't done something that I should have, I feel anxious and worried and even lose sleep over it. Drew: Oh dear, Kate. That's the problem with perfectionists... You see perfection doesn't exist. Everybody makes mistakes and if perfection is your goal, you are bound to end up feeling disappointed and frustrated. An emotionally intelligent person, on the other hand, will always look on the positive side of what they have achieved and not dwell on their mistakes. Kate: Oh, there's no way I can forget a mistake easily. I can try and put it to the back of my mind but I can't forget it. Drew: But I didn't say that emotionally intelligent people forget their mistakes, I said they don't dwell on them. And there is a difference. If you forget a mistake, the chances are you'll make the same mistake again one day, but we have to learn how to turn our failures into success by transforming our mistakes into ways of improving how we do things. Kate: That's easier said than done. Drew: Well, nobody said it was easy but I think it'll be well worth the effort if you try. Let's move on to another sign of emotional intelligence...Kate, are you easily offended? Kate: Well, I'm not exactly thick-skinned...I can be a bit touchy sometimes, but I can't say I'm easily offended. Drew: Well, I'm glad to hear that because emotionally intelligent people are thick-skinned and, even if they are teased or ridiculed, their self- confidence is strong enough for them not to feel offended. Kate: In my case, if someone teases me I tend to take it with a sense of humour and laugh along with them. Drew: Now, Kate, and I'd like you to be honest on this one, do you hold grudges? Kate: That depends... Drew: So you do... Kate: Sometimes...I have to admit that I find it difficult to forgive and forget... Drew: Well, here I have to say that you must change your ways because people who hold grudges can even end up with health problems. Researchers have demonstrated that the stress that negative emotions like resentment produce can lead to high blood pressure and heart disease. Luckily, emotionally intelligent people avoid these negative emotions at all costs. Kate: I certainly do need to change my ways then... Drew: Ah, don't be so hard on yourself. Here are a couple of other characteristics of emotional intelligence that I know you certainly do have. Kate: And what are they? Drew: The first is that you're not afraid of change. Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and easily adapt to new circumstances. Kate: That's true. I always think of a change as an opportunity, though I know that a lot people are frightened of change because they think they might lose what they have. Drew: That's right, so that's good. Kate: And how else do you think I'm emotionally intelligent? Drew: Because you appreciate what you have. People who are grateful for what life offers them are less likely to suffer stress and this improves their mood and physical well-being. Kate: Well, something is better than nothing... Drew: Now now, Kate, just stop that negativity. Kate: Alright, alright! So is there anything I can do to be more emotionally intelligent, or do I have to put up with the way I am? Drew: Of course there is! There are many things you can do! As I just said, you have to try to manage your negative emotions... Kate: And how can I do that? Drew: Well, there are several ways, but basically you should widen your perspective on how you view a situation before reacting. Instead of jumping to conclusions about other people's behaviour, you should put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to be more objective. Kate: Yes, I can be a bit like a bull at a gate sometimes... Drew: I would say that you're just a bit temperamental. You need to learn how to manage stress and stay cool. Kate: And how do you suggest I do that? Drew: Well, the obvious things: stay off the coffee for one thing. When you feel nervous, you should get some fresh air or splash your face with cold water. And if you are upset about something, take a deep breath and count to ten...If you stay calm when you're under pressure, it'll be easier for you to find a better way of solving the problem. In any case, I'm sure that when I finish my course, I'll be in a much better position to give you more advice. Kate: OK Drew. I'll be all ears. Why don't we go for a coffee, or maybe an orange juice? Drew: Hah! I'm pleased to see that you've taken on board what I've being saying. Kate: Of course! I'm a quick learner. No more coffee for the rest of the day! Come on, let's go! Drew: We hope you have found this podcast interesting. See you later! We hope you have enjoyed this podcast, brought to you by That's English! Please follow us on Facebook and Twitter. We look forward to hearing from you. Bye for now! Sources: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/242881 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201410/how-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-6-essentials