When we remember the humanity of another, there is no other, there is only us. Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another. These two quotes by Ann Voskamp, a wonderful author  really speaks to my heart and soul. So on today's podcast I will be talking about empathy. An important word in building community and connection. It is an art to connect with another. At FeSociety, it's all about the art of connection.

These two truths, 'when we remember the humanity of the other, there is no other. There's only us.' And 'empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another', encompass empathy. Empathy is caring for another's well being. The real giants of empathy I think, are those who can see and listen and feel even when the person they're listening to is one who might be a life irritant and more so if that person is an enemy. I think about Corrie Ten Boom. She survived the Holocaust, living in the concentration camps. She was speaking one evening at an  engagement where she was talking about forgiveness. As she was wrapping up, she looked down the aisle as someone was approaching her. She recognized the German guard who made she and her sister suffer so terribly while imprisoned. And here this man comes up to her, hand extended, seeking forgiveness.  And the feelings that she had toward him were not feelings that were positive, kind and loving. She says she really felt like God just spoke to her. 'Just reach your hand out to him and I'll do the rest.' And here this man came to Corrie, asking for her forgiveness. Corrie reached her hand out, God filled her with the ability to forgive and to empathize with what this man and what he went through, guilty of all his terrible crimes. Not Saying he was justified in what he did in the past, but wanting to focus on the fact that he experienced forgiveness and he received empathy from one who could truly give empathy. Corrie did just that.  Me? I'm a mustard seed of empathy. It's small. Far too often I get irritated with those closest to me. I find I have an agreement in my mind and it's unspoken as to how things should be. Thenwhen my loved ones don't abide by my unspoken agreement, I get annoyed. It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt. I also know that contempt destroys communion.

Or there are times where I am totally annoyed and sorely lacking empathy for someone who thinks are responds differently than I do. I can't begin to comprehend how they can think that they that way or or respond as they did. I'm not suggesting that we compromise who we are or our belief system. Empathy doesn't require us to do so, but what empathy does?... It looks beyond beliefs or alliances and and rather looks to the heart of the humanity before us. Just like Corrie ten Boom, looked at the humanity before her, in that German guard, she was able to extend forgiveness and empathy.

Empathy. It requires walking in the other person's shoes in a metaphorical sense. It requires thinking about the other person's story that they live with and their perceptions in which they abide. Because we all walk in wounds or with pain or sorrow. Empathy requires dumping our self centerdness and selfish thinking and thinking on the other person. This is empathy at work and yeah, it is work.

I believe empathy can be practiced and our ability to experience it increased. The key in part is practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness requires practicing being in the moment, in the present, aware of our feelings and our surroundings, but it also means being tuned in to those around us as well. How often do we go about our day without much tuning in and awareness for the moment it takes practice to be mindful.

For instance, taking the dogs out for a walk. Are we enjoying the out of doors, the sounds of nature, the people we might see or are we focused on what we have to do once we get this chore of walking the dogs done? Or what about driving in our car to our destination? I can't tell you how many times I've arrived and recall very little of my trip because I've pretty much been tuned out. It's a little frightening to think about, but this is not mindfulness because then we've missed the moments.

Jeff Vandermeer is quoted as saying, 'to be taken out of the moment is dangerous. That is when things sneak their way in and then there is no more present to return to.' So a huge part of the problem is our distractions, not being mindful, not being engaged in the moment in our society. We are far too often unplugged from community and plugged into cyberspace. We check our phones, our social media, fire up our computers or we turn on the television. Once these devices are on, mindfulness is almost always turned off. Sure there's a place for cyber work too, but by default we fall too easily to cyberworld and forget to build empathy.

We need to check in, tune in and engage in the moment with ourselves as well as be aware of the other person and their story. And with people we need to practice engaged listening. A great exercise I learned from a friend is called Imago. It looks something like this. It's active listening, but if there's an issue or something that you need to be addressed, you ask to have an Imago with that person. Facing one another you are able to for one minute, share what's on your heart with no judgements. The person who's listening, just repeats back what they heard or understood what was on your heart. This is continued till they get it right, until you know they've heard you, and then that's it. There's no coming up with a solution, and there's certainly no rebuttal on the other person's part. It's just tuning in and listening.

The definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Active listening, using something like the Imago technique, does help with this. Empathy is different from sympathy with sympathy important in its own realm. Sympathy means to feel pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune, but empathy really goes to the heart of the matter.

Empathy, the we, the US instead of them. Empathy unites, empathy draws close. Empathy is compassionate and loving. Empathy builds community and connection. The Art of connection. It does take practice, yet it is what we were created for and there's so much joy in this.

So until next time, this is Sandra Vernon with faces society.