Ask for helpful help (including support for your partner) and refuse unhelpful help

People love to help. It’s an inherent characteristic of our species. We see someone struggling and we want to do something for them.

So that’s why those World Vision commercials worked so well huh?

However, not all help is created equal and that depends on what you find helpful.

For instance, imagine having your parents or in-laws come over to help “clean” your house. But you have to direct them to where everything is, help them move things around and basically make sure they don’t screw it up. You end up having to watch 3 babies instead of 1. Not exactly helpful!

That’s the time to say,

“Thanks, but no thanks!”

Figure out what you consider helpful and ask for it!

For me, the most helpful thing came from my sister. Before coming to visit us, she asked what I needed from the grocery store. I listed a bunch of fruit because we had been surviving on reheated meals, postpartum Chinese soups and congee.

Then she asked,

“Any snacks for Brian (my husband)?”

At that moment, I glanced at him and realized he was going through his own recovery. He looked mentally and emotionally exhausted (having taken quite a Baby Blues beating from myself), unshaven with a bit of dried-up congee crust hanging at the corner of his lip.

I asked him,

“What snacks do you crave right now? Don’t hold back. Just go!”

He stared at me as his eyes lit up, listing very specific snacks including All Dressed flavoured Crispers, Sweet Chilli Riceworks chips and Miss Vickie’s jalapeno kettle cooked potato chips.

My sister came over with bags of fruit and every single snack he wanted.

I think ripping open that bag of Crispers, devouring each one until crumbs covered his face gave my husband almost as much joy as holding his newborn son.