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What happens when a tedious linewide crossover event bumps up against an inter-line group event being rebooted by a smarmy, entitled creator? The result is Empyre: X-Men #1, a soulless piece of literary junk food that wears its disgust for itself on its sleeve. This book only exists to satiate the most desperate comic book addicts, who need a cheap hit to fulfill their OCD. As Jesse Pinkman once said of the meth he and Walter White sold on Breaking Bad, this is poison for people who don't care. Pulp this trash.