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I only use Substack for their ad-free networking, Notes, and live videos now.

Why?

* Ghost lets me publish like I think: across cultures, languages, and formats.

* I’m supporting a non-profit, decentralized, carbon-neutral business not funded by undeniably evil twats like Marc Andreessen.

* I’ll actually have a technical support team.

I'm staying away from the social media nightmare where likes define your worth, comments replace community, and billionaires capitalize. If you want to support my work, do what we did before we got scrolling brains–share it in an email, talk about it, send it in a text message, and leave the feed that feeds the lords of technofeudalism. Subscribe to bornwithoutborders.world.

You can find an updated and improved version of this article on bornwithoutborders.world.

I only use Substack for their ad-free networking, Notes, and live videos now.

Why?

* Ghost lets me publish like I think: across cultures, languages, and formats.

* I’m supporting a non-profit, decentralized, carbon-neutral business not funded by undeniably evil twats like Marc Andreessen.

* I’ll actually have a technical support team.

I'm staying away from the social media nightmare where likes define your worth, comments replace community, and billionaires capitalize. If you want to support my work, do what we did before we got scrolling brains–share it in an email, talk about it, send it in a text message, and leave the feed that feeds the lords of technofeudalism. Subscribe to bornwithoutborders.world.

You can find an updated and improved version of this article on bornwithoutborders.world.

Click here for the updated article.

I only use Substack for their ad-free networking, Notes, and live videos now.

Why?

* Ghost lets me publish like I think: across cultures, languages, and formats.

* I’m supporting a non-profit, decentralized, carbon-neutral business not funded by undeniably evil twats like Marc Andreessen.

* I’ll actually have a technical support team.

I'm staying away from the social media nightmare where likes define your worth, comments replace community, and billionaires capitalize. If you want to support my work, do what we did before we got scrolling brains–share it in an email, talk about it, send it in a text message, and leave the feed that feeds the lords of technofeudalism. Subscribe to bornwithoutborders.world.

Before we get into the article, here's a quick note: I’m starting classes and courses where I mediate discussions with people across the ideological spectrum. We find common interests and goals to build bridges across divides. Send me a DM or respond to this email if this interests you.

You’re in a relationship with what’s in front of you, not with its potential. While this might be sound advice for romantic relationships, it’s a whole other ballgame when it comes to investing in real estate.

When I first stepped foot in Valencia, Spain, I fell in love with what was in front of me: its cosmopolitan energy with a Spanish flair, beaches, parks, excellent bike paths and public transport, terrace culture, cheap food, markets, an international airport, sculpted beach bodies, sounds and smells I’d never encountered, mountains in the distance, and 300 days of sun a year (with a side of potential skin cancer).

It’s not hard to see why Valencia is frequently voted as the best city for Expats, Europe’s green capital, and why its record-breaking housing prices are causing a crisis for many local renters.

If I had invested in Valencia’s real estate potential five years ago, the apartment's value could have appreciated by approximately 50% or more, considering the recent 17% annual increase. Yet, what was in front of me was already out of my budget.

Instead, I turned to Comunidad Valencia’s fourth-biggest city, Castellón de la Plana. Known as one of the ugliest cities in Spain, Castellón de la Plana has been steadily revamping its reputation since I arrived.

(No, not because of me.) In recent years, Castellón de la Plana has undergone significant urban development and beautification efforts, evidenced by its transformation and the stunning Christmas displays of 2024.

Key initiatives include the completion of the Ronda Oeste, a major infrastructure project supported by the Generalitat Valenciana and the Castellón City Council, with a €46 million investment aimed at improving urban connectivity and traffic flow.

These local efforts are complemented by Castellón’s participation in European initiatives, such as the Intelligent Cities Challenge, which focuses on sustainable urban planning and energy efficiency, and the UNaLab project, funded by the EU’s Horizon 2020 program, which enhances urban sustainability through nature-based solutions.

Nature—it’s one of the main reasons I’ve decided to stay in Castellon de la Plana instead of trying to make ends meet in Valencia.

The Desert de les Palmes Natural Park is a mountainous landscape that flanks the coastline, defined by its rugged summits and popular walking trails.

For cycling enthusiasts, the Via Verde Green Route provides a scenic path through diverse landscapes, making it a favoured choice for both cyclists and hikers. Well, it’s flat, so maybe the better word is “walkers.”

Additionally, the Sierra de Irta Natural Park offers a combination of mountainous terrain and pristine beaches, ideal for hiking and enjoying unspoiled (outside of the summer months) coastal scenery.

The Penyagolosa Natural Park is home to Mount Penyagolosa, the highest peak in the province, making it a haven for hikers and climbers seeking trails and stunning views.

Off the coast, the Columbretes Islands Nature Reserve is an archipelago renowned for its rich marine biodiversity, popular for diving and boat excursions.

Lastly, the Serra d'Espadà Natural Park is known for its lush cork oak forests and diverse wildlife, offering numerous trails for hiking and exploring nature.

Yet, these aren’t places you can visit daily unless you’re retired. If you have a busy and sporadic schedule like mine, you might want to live in a neighbourhood with parks, beaches, bars, restaurants, supermarkets, and everything else you need within a 10-minute walk.

That’s why I chose El Grao, Castellon de la Plana’s coastal district and port area. Similar to Valencia’s Cabanyal, it was considered one of the most sketchy neighbourhoods, “full of Gitanos (gypsies) and Moroccans.” And whereas this sentence might sound racist AF, it reflects how many people talk here. That’s no excuse, but people in Castellón have historically viewed El Grao negatively through those labels. As a result, my property value hasn’t skyrocketed like those in Cabanyal, Valencia.

In the town of El Grao, I’m one of the only guiris—white-ass foreigners who wear flip-flops in winter. The other foreigners live a fifteen-minute walk away in villas on the beach. Yet, every year, I hear more English, German, and French as I walk through El Grao. Most of these people are retired, but thanks to UJI, Castellon’s university, you can also find younger crowds from across Europe.

While locals remain skeptical of the area, foreigners are increasingly drawn to it. This was also the case with Cabanyal, Valencia. Now, those same locals who looked down on Cabanyal are kicking themselves for not investing.

You might think it’s silly to compare a city with 800,000 people (1.5 million if you include the metropolitan area) to Castellon de la Plana, a city with 175,000 people (300 000 people if you include nearby municipalities like Vila-real, Benicàssim, and Almassora). However, from my North American distance perspective, these separate towns feel like distinct neighbourhoods.

Benicàssim, for instance, hosts the Festival Internacional de Benicàssim (FIB), one of Spain’s most famous music festivals, and Rototom Sun Splash, the best Reggae festival I’ve ever attended. These events attract people worldwide and give the surrounding areas an international feel during those weeks.

While we’re at it, here’s a list of the other largest festivals (only a tiny percentage) Castellon has to offer.

1. La Magdalena (Castellón de la Plana)

* When: March

* Type: Traditional Religious and Cultural Festival where people get absolutely wasted.

* Description: The city celebrates its patron saint with parades, fireworks, traditional costumes, and the "mascletà."

2. Fiesta de San Juan (Benicàssim)

* When: June 23-24

* Type: Traditional Festival

* Description: Celebrates the summer solstice with bonfires, fireworks, and beach parties along the coast.

3. Encuentro de Veleros de El Grao (El Grao, Castellón)

* When: September (varies)

* Type: Maritime Festival

* Description: A celebration of tall ships and sailing vessels with races, exhibitions, and nautical activities at Castellón's port.

4. Día de las Paellas

* When: January

* Type: Culinary and Cultural Festival

* Description: A highlight of Benicàssim's patronal festivities, this event celebrates community and gastronomy with thousands gathering to cook and enjoy traditional paella.

5. Feria de la Cerámica (Vila-real)

* When: May

* Type: Craft and Artisanal Festival

* Description: Celebrates Vila-real's ceramic tradition with exhibitions, artisan markets, and pottery workshops.

Many of these festivals are much more local than Fallas in Valencia, but that’s also why you don’t walk around like a squished sardine with English screams piercing your ears.

Look, festivals and nature—that’s what I enjoy. However, I’m fully aware that others might choose big cities for the shopping experience, but that’s not lacking in Castellón de la Plana either.

Castellón de la Plana offers a diverse shopping experience featuring a mix of local boutiques and well-known brand stores. On the pijo (posh) side of things, one of the primary shopping destinations is El Corte Inglés, a prominent Spanish department store offering a wide range of products, including fashion, electronics, and home goods. There’s even a Rituals store in Castellón, which, unfortunately for my wallet, I’m addicted to for the smell of my body and home.

Yet, the only shopping I do weekly is at the local markets. Castellon offers one of Spain’s largest markets every Monday, with 480 stands of local produce, clothes, perfume, toys, fabrics, and much more. Many of these vendors come to El Grao’s market every Friday, which is where I buy all my vegetables, fruit, and clothes which would cost double in stores.

Now, if all of that’s still not enough for you, Valencia is just over an hour away by train. For those of us with a North American distance perspective, Castellon de la Plana feels like it’s part of Valencia’s metropolitan area. The difference: better beaches, prices, a more authentic local experience, and a whole lot of potential.

Also, if you become a founding member, I’d be happy to create a personalized tour, show you the area, help you with accommodation, and whatever else you need.

Born Without Borders is a reader-supported guide to building bridges across divides, cultural psychology, travel writing and how to salir de las fronteras que impone tu mente. Both free and paid subscriptions are available. If you want to support my work and help me upgrade to more than one cabin bag, the best way is to take out a paid subscription or Buy Me a Coffee.

If you are interested in English lessons for global citizens (or know anyone who is), please send me a message or visit English for Global Citizens.

Here are some of my travel videos related to the festivals and culture in Castellon:

You can now read the article on Ghost.

Click here.

You can now read this article on Ghost.

Click here.

Letting go of a toxic relationship and the trauma bond it created isn’t just about “fixing” yourself—it’s about untangling the web of manipulation, unmet needs, and misplaced self-worth. Let’s explore this journey that left me heart feening and pecker retreating.

Recognizing the Cycle

Trauma bonding thrives universally on a loop of kindness and hurt—a toxic rollercoaster of validation and betrayal. In every culture, this cycle creates confusion and reinforces emotional dependency. However, how people recognize and address this cycle often reflects cultural attitudes toward relationships and conflict.

* Individualistic Cultures (cultures prioritizing the individual over the collective group—common in the West): The recognition process often begins with open dialogue and self-reflection, facilitated by therapy or personal writing. Survivors are encouraged to dissect patterns objectively, often finding clarity through cognitive-behavioural approaches that separate emotional reactions from facts.

* Collectivist Cultures (cultures that emphasize harmony, duty, and interdependence—common in the East): The cycle might be less openly discussed due to societal pressures to maintain harmony or protect the family’s reputation. Reflecting on this dynamic often involves seeking wisdom from elders or trusted confidants, emphasizing relational wisdom over individual analysis.

Regardless of culture, writing about the moments of love and betrayal—whether privately or as part of a shared healing practice—remains a transformative tool. Psychologists also note that articulating the narrative helps survivors reframe their experiences, creating distance from the abuser's control.

However, I’m not sure “abuser” is the right word. For one, I’m not into the whole victimhood narrative. Two, viewing the insults, cheating, and betrayals as products of someone’s past, not their true character, made it easier to forgive. Three, the happy memories: all the laughter, travel, intimacy, the effort they put into gifts, the way they reflected my soul, shared past-life dreams—

Sometimes, the “survivor” can’t let go and becomes their own abuser.

Setting Boundaries That Stick

Cutting ties is easier said than done. Trauma bonds often create an illusion of “unfinished business,” making survivors feel guilty for trying to leave and absolutely worthless if they get left.

* Western Perspectives: Boundaries are viewed as empowering acts of self-care. Tools like blocking on social media or ceasing all communication are common, reflecting a belief in the individual’s right to peace.

* Non-Western Perspectives: Setting boundaries may involve more subtle or indirect strategies to avoid open conflict. Survivors might limit interactions while maintaining formal politeness, especially in cultures where direct confrontation is discouraged.

For both, the challenge lies in consistency. Research suggests that having an accountability partner—someone who supports you in maintaining these boundaries (in my case, my bro telling me I sound like a heroin addict)—can significantly reduce the likelihood of relapse into unhealthy dynamics.

Replacing the Addiction

Trauma bonds mimic addiction. Breaking the cycle requires finding healthier, more fulfilling replacements.

* Western Approaches: Activities like therapy, exercise, and journaling are emphasized as steady sources of joy.

* Non-Western Approaches: Spiritual practices, community service, and traditional healing methods often take precedence.

Research shows that consistent engagement in nourishing activities rewires the brain, reducing the emotional dependency created by trauma bonds. However, for those of us who exercised and ate healthy long before the trauma bond, it’s not much of a replacement, unfortunately.

Reclaiming Your Identity

Rebuilding your sense of self after leaving a toxic relationship is central to recovery. This process often intersects with cultural narratives about identity and purpose.

* In Individualistic Cultures, identity is often framed in terms of personal achievements and preferences. Survivors might be encouraged to rediscover hobbies, career goals, or creative outlets. For instance, journaling and art therapy are popular tools for expressing and reclaiming identity in Western contexts.

Unfortunately, writing as a career requires recognition to succeed, and when you have an unhealthy need for recognition, it can turn toxic, too. So, if you’re anything like me, I recommend the collectivistic culture approach.

* In Collectivist Cultures, identity is closely tied to family, community, and traditions. Rediscovery may involve reconnecting with cultural roots or communal activities that reinforce a sense of belonging. Practices like traditional dance, music, or storytelling can serve as personal and communal healing forms.

In summary, months of therapeutic advice have come down to the following: dance, sing, show kindness to everyone, connect with those who love you for who you are, not what you achieve, and remember why you got into your craft in the first place—to play and explore.

Releasing Emotional Attachments

Grieving the relationship and its unfulfilled promises is an essential step toward freedom. This process often reflects cultural beliefs about loss and healing.

* Western Approach: Emotions are often processed individually through activities like therapy, letter-writing, or symbolic acts like tearing apart a letter, then trying to glue it back again, burning a letter, writing it by memory, burning it again, and then typing it up and keeping it on a hard drive in your cupboard). These practices align with a cultural emphasis on personal catharsis.

* Indigenous and African Traditions: Healing often involves community participation. Rituals like storytelling, dance, or group ceremonies symbolize emotional release and provide communal support. Such practices reinforce the idea that healing is a shared journey.

Symbolic acts are powerful across all cultures. Whether burning a letter, releasing it into the ocean, or participating in a healing ritual (ayahuasca, anyone?), these acts help externalize internal struggles, providing closure and a sense of liberation.

Flipping the Script

One of the hardest parts of breaking a trauma bond is reframing the relationship. Cultural differences can shape how survivors reinterpret their experiences.

* Western Cultures: Reframing often involves therapeutic tools like cognitive restructuring, which help survivors differentiate between love and control.

* Eastern Cultures: Dialectical thinking—accepting contradictions in relationships—can aid survivors in processing conflicting feelings. This approach reflects philosophical traditions like Buddhism, which emphasizes acceptance and balance.

Psychologists suggest keeping a tangible list of the abuser’s harmful behaviours. Revisiting this list when nostalgia strikes reinforces clarity and prevents romanticizing the past.

But I’ve noticed this list can make me feel insane. How could I have let someone cheat on me several times, lie to family and friends, wake me up with yells and cries in the middle of the night, interrupt my work, and threaten to leave me if I didn’t give in to demands? If they no longer want me after giving in, was I the problem all along? Why wasn’t putting them before everything and everyone else enough? Why am I never enough?

The truth is, you can forgive them because they never meant to abuse you. Lies come easily to people with certain trauma symptoms. They suck you into their story, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to change. Since they held the power in the relationship by bonding you through trauma, they were the ones who could walk away. You are not worthless. You are enough. You didn’t love yourselves enough to love each other properly. You can forgive and love them, but to truly heal, you must learn to love yourself enough to stay away.

Final Thought

Letting go isn’t an overnight process, but with time, effort, maybe a good ol’ shroom trip, and a cultural understanding of your healing journey, this person's hold on you weakens. You’re not broken—you’re human. Every step you take strengthens the foundation of your future freedom. So, for now, let’s f*****g dance.

Further Reading

* "An Exploration of the Relationship Between Culture and Resilience Capacity in Trauma Survivors"Read more on ResearchGate

* "Investigating Cultural Differences in the Effects of Expressive Suppression When Processing Traumatic Distressing Material"Read more on Cambridge.org

Born Without Borders is a reader-supported guide to the craft of nonconformity, cultural psychology, travel writing and how to salir de las fronteras que impone tu mente. Both free and paid subscriptions are available. If you want to support my work and help me upgrade to more than one cabin bag, the best way is to take out a paid subscription or Buy Me a Coffee.

If you are interested in English lessons for global citizens (or know anyone who is), please send me a message or visit English for Global Citizens.

Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."

— Genesis 1:26

F**k that s**t.

We see ourselves as complex, symbolic beings, while animals, we assume, are just instinct-driven beasts over which we have dominion. And by “we,” I mean those influenced by Judeo-Christian rhetoric, not those from the wisdom societies who understood everything is connected before scientists had to prove it.

Luckily, the more we learn (or rather unlearn), the more it seems other species also have their own “cultural” quirks. So, are we actually that special, or are we just the only ones pretentious enough to debate it?

What Even Is Culture?

First off, what qualifies as culture? If we define culture as using symbols to create shared meaning—a sort of private language club for each species—then yes, humans have it in the bag. No other animals seem to use abstract symbols or grammar. But this definition is a bit like setting the rules of a game so only humans can win.

A broader definition could just mean “learning behaviours from others in your group.” And if that’s the bar, then humans are not alone in the cultural game. Many animals show cultural learning—just maybe without the existential monologues.

Meet Some Animal Culture Stars

* Chimpanzees: Our close cousins use sticks to fish for termites and stones to crack nuts, with different communities showing distinct tool-use habits. It’s like local cuisine for chimps—some are into the bark-peeling technique, and others are more of the twig-fishing variety. They’re even known to learn from each other, which sounds suspiciously like cultural transmission—the way a “person” learns about a new culture by engaging and immersing themselves in culture.)

* Dolphins and Orcas: Dolphins are another species that seems to enjoy DIY culture. In certain areas, dolphins use marine sponges as “gloves” while hunting to avoid scratches. Orcas, on the other hand, develop unique vocal “dialects” and specialized hunting strategies that are passed down through generations. They don’t just live in the deep—they live in pods with distinct traditions.

* Macaques: In one famous case, a young macaque named Imo figured out that washing sand off sweet potatoes in the water made them taste better. Soon, her friends and family were imitating her—and just like that, sweet-potato-washing became the hottest cultural trend on the island. This didn’t happen overnight, but hey, they didn’t have the marketing budgets human trend-pushers have.

* Birds and Fish: Some songbirds learn regional tunes, while certain fish follow food-finding strategies from others. It’s not jazz night at the village bar, but it does show that animals are doing a little social learning and passing it down.

Don’t worry. I still think you’re special.

Animals have learned behaviours passed down socially. But here’s where humans shine: we do it faster, more widely, and with a unique twist called cumulative culture. In human societies, it’s not just about copying someone else; it’s about building on each new idea to reach a new level—essentially making us the kings and queens of the "cultural snowball effect."

Take language, for instance. Vervet monkeys have a few calls to warn each other about predators, but there’s no “syntax” in their system. Meanwhile, humans have languages with rich vocabularies, grammar, and syntax—all evolving and expanding over generations. Sure, animals have their dialects, but so far, nothing comes close to the complexity of human language.

Why Are Humans Obsessed with Imitating the “Cool Kids”?

Another human specialty is our “prestige bias.” We’re constantly on the lookout and, thanks to advertising and Hollywood, bombarded with people who have what we want—status, money, and sex. We tend to copy those who have these things more than the 40-year-old virgin living in their mom’s basement.

This strategy is super efficient: rather than reinventing the wheel, we watch the “best” people do it and borrow their methods. Case in point: a study found that kids are more likely to imitate a “prestigious” adult model than a random one. Unfortunately, many of these “best” people—the billionaire celebrities—are self-interested psychopaths. However, in the animal kingdom, it’s mostly an “anyone will do” approach. Macaques, for example, don’t seem to care if the potato-washer they’re copying is a star in their community or just the neighbour.

So, What’s the Verdict? Are We Just Fancier, Wordy Chimps?

It’s clear that many animals have behaviours that spread through social learning, which is essentially culture in a broad sense. But humans crank this up a notch with complex language, fast and cumulative cultural learning, and a keen eye for high-status role models. This high-precision cultural learning has led us to literature, art, medicine, skyscrapers, destructive consumption, plastic surgery to look like an AI filter, and, of course, philosophical debates on culture.

So, yes, humans are unique. But maybe we’re just unique in thinking that our culture is the only “real” one—while the chimp tribes and dolphin pods are just busy living their own version of it, minus the pretentious discussion and environmental destruction. In the end, culture might not be just about who does it best but about who cares enough to write it all down.

Born Without Borders is a reader-supported guide to the craft of nonconformity, cultural psychology, travel writing and how to salir de las fronteras que impone tu mente. Both free and paid subscriptions are available. If you want to support my work and help me upgrade to more than one cabin bag, the best way is to take out a paid subscription or Buy Me a Coffee.

If you are interested in English lessons for global citizens (or know anyone who is), please send me a message or visit English for Global Citizens.

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