I have teachers. I love them and admire them.

I need teachers like a baby needs his parents to prevent him from falling onto stairs while he does his first steps. We can learn a lot on our own or that we remember we knew, like walking. It’s inside of us. Babies know how to walk; they do it spontaneously; they remember it suddenly. That doesn’t mean they don’t need their parents.

Accessing “that which words cannot describe,” as J. Krishnamurti would put it, has been, in many ways, becoming a baby again. I took the medicine and I remembered how to walk. Then I fell, and I fell again. I fall less and less, but I still fall sometimes, rarely, hopefully.

I fall today when I forget humility. The medicine is always here to remind me how important is the most profound humility on this path. The more advanced I feel or get, the more brutal the reminder.

Each time I fell, I stood up again, sometimes after laying down nearly dead on the floor and crawling back to the ceremony space, where healing took place.

One of the teachers I admire the most is Putanny Yawanawà. She is the first woman of her lineage, with her sister Ushahu, to have had access to the medicine while it was forbidden to women, twenty or thirty years ago, I am not sure exactly. Putanny demanded to drink it to the men, and they put her to a harsh test, to drink a huge full cup of it to prove that she could handle it. Putanny told me that story once; it was powerful.

Putanny is a true master. She is not a woman of many words, but she delivers the truth like a sword when she speaks. Putanny gave me one of the most precious pieces of advice I have ever received in my life and I have been very fortunate that she accepted to teach me directly during my hardest dietas.

She taught me humility, but my ego was so big that I needed many lessons. She doesn’t give me many lessons anymore, and I hope I finally learn by myself. It is the highest lesson, letting the baby walk by himself once he has received the necessary tools and teachings. If I make a mistake today, and I do sometimes, I am human; Putanny does not tell me what I did wrong. I need to find out by myself and remember the right way alone. I also need to correct whatever or whomever I disturbed on the way.

There are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn. The spiritual world teaches directly in a very harsh and brutal way. I often miss Putanny’s words to prevent me from making such mistakes sometimes, but so it is. I need to walk by myself now after all her teachings and those of the family of the Yawanawà “Sacred Village.” I was like a kid learning to walk the spiritual world.

In my previous story, I described a little the opening of my “Naneuh” dieta; it was the hardest I had received at the time before moving on to even more brutal initiations. It was challenging and demanding. I got scared. I lost a lot of weight. I had trouble balancing the force I was receiving and needed many healings to go through it. She was always there for me and still is.

I saw in my visions complicated representations of my past trauma or near impossible-pass obstacles.

Yesterday, I started a thread available for everyone here (see the “chat” tab at the top) asking for feedback on my writing. The thread is open, and I would love to receive your feedback. I write here from my heart, and I love receiving comments from you from your heart, so please do.

One of my readers, Xavier Châtellier, asked this question:

“One of the topics that is important for me these days is the topic of trust: trust in myself, trust in those I love or have delicate/important interactions with, and trust in the Universe. Sometimes I have doubts whether I am fooling myself and being delusional, especially when it comes to « magic »: synchronicities, the reality of some conscious forces (spirits, God,..) that have the potential to be co-creators of our lives... at times things happen in my life that really seem incredible, and other times I wonder if they are just « coincidences » and I am making up the whole narrative around them... and possibly making dumb decisions as a consequence... so I am particularly curious in hearing stories that relate to the reality of the world of spirit and its power in action in our lives.”

Thanks, Xavier. I asked a similar question to Putanny during my Naneuh dieta, and I want to share it here as the answer might help you as it helped me.

So, here are some of Putanny’s rare words to me during my naneuh dieta. Enjoy and hopefully find some answers and trust in yourself in them, as I did.

Entering the House of God.

“Ask the Medicine “

“Show me the colors, the designs, the animals. Give me faith, strength, and power to go through the darkness, to heal myself, and to help heal others.”

Your head is like a home. You need to clear your house for the divine to come in and leave enough space for the medicine to guide you.

The medicine gives you access to the House of the Divine. It is a privilege to be able to see it. You need to respect her, and she will always show you more.

Focus on your singing and your music.

Sing all the time, and she will show you the way.

-Putanny Yawanawà.

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