Football matters again now that the Premier League's back. Liverpool and Manchester United play out a 0-0 draw teaching everyone than Man City are probably the best team in the league.

Wolves get Big Sam'ed as the 7 Point Survival Blueprint starts yielding some results.

Prepare yourself for a (insert Sky Sports clickbait) *HEATED ARGUMENT* as Christopher won't stand for the idea that professional footballers don't need time to adjust to playing with new players.

Dodgy red cards, yuk football pitches, managers lacking thicc-ness and horse semen (yes, horse semen) make up this week's topics.

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