You are doing all the “right” things.

You go to therapy. You drink the green juice. You journal. You go on your mental health walks. On paper, your life looks stable maybe even successful.

But internally? You still feel disconnected, anxious, and stuck.

In this week’s episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sat down with Alyssa Booth, a licensed therapist and empowerment coach, to discuss a phenomenon she calls “Survival Mode 2.0”.

This isn’t the chaotic survival mode of a crisis. This is the “over-functioning” survival mode where you carry the mental load for everyone else, say yes to everything, and look like you have it all together while completely abandoning yourself in the process.

Here are the three biggest takeaways from our conversation on why “looking healed” is very different from being healed.

1. The Gap Between Knowing and Living

Alyssa pointed out a massive frustration many of us feel: The gap between information and integration.

We often go to therapy and gain tremendous self-awareness. We know our triggers. We know our childhood patterns. We know why we are the way we are. But then we leave the session and go back into the real world, and when a trigger hits, we still freeze.

Therapy is incredible for understanding the “why,” but we often need support in the “how.” As Alyssa notes, we aren’t meant to heal in isolation. We are conditioned to handle it all alone, but true regulation often happens in community, where we can practice these new skills in real-time.

2. Guilt vs. Shame (And Why It Matters)

One of the most powerful moments in this episode was dissecting the difference between guilt and shame. We often use them interchangeably, but they are fundamentally different:

* Guilt says: “I did something bad.” (I made a mistake, I have remorse) .

* Shame says: “I am bad.” (I am wrong, I am broken) .

Alyssa shared her personal story of becoming pregnant at 21 and rushing into a marriage to avoid a “broken home”. She wasn’t just dealing with the guilt of a mistake; she was drowning in the shame of feeling like she was the mistake.

When we operate out of shame, we self-abandon. We try to perform “goodness” to prove we are worthy of love. We over-function to hide the parts of ourselves we think are unlovable.

3. Are You “Performing” Healing?

Alyssa introduced the concept of Survival Mode 2.0 a state where you are no longer in the trenches of trauma, but your nervous system hasn’t caught up to your safety yet.

You might be safe now. You might be in a healthy relationship. You might be financially stable. But if your body is still reacting to old wounds, you will continue to over-work and over-give just to feel secure.

We often try to “perform” healing. We want to be seen as the “good person” who is reliable for the PTO, the bake sale, and the family, because we are terrified that if we stop doing, we will stop being worthy.

The Solution: Integration

So, how do we close the gap?

Alyssa argues that we need to treat our mental health like a gym membership not just something we fix when it’s broken, but a consistent practice of community and support.

We have to move from knowing we are safe to feeling safe. And that doesn’t happen by reading another self-help book. It happens by retraining the nervous system and refusing to abandon ourselves, one small decision at a time.

Quotes to Remember:

“Self-abandonment is the neglect to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical needs... you’re just deprioritizing yourself period, end of story.” — Alyssa Booth

“Guilt is ‘I did something bad.’ Shame is ‘I am bad.’ We can’t heal what we don’t understand.” — Stacey Uhrig

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend who might be “over-functioning” right now. Let’s heal together.

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