May 21, 2024

EP 18: Dawn and Elimu's Interracial Love Bubble: Having Hard Conversations About Race

1 hour 1 minute

Joining us today are Dawn Ellinwood and Elimu Nelson, an inspiring interracial couple who, after navigating the challenges of each raising their own children and primarily dating within their own racial backgrounds, now find themselves together, in their 50s, maintaining a strong connection despite their semi-long distance relationship. Tune in to hear about Dawn’s experience around transracial adoption as a mother to her two daughters from her previous marriage. Also, discover Elimu's journey of being caught between racial perceptions as a young boy and evolving into an adult who embraces his black identity, prioritizing connection in relationships. Together, they gracefully navigate the complexities of their relationship, offering insights into the dynamics of blended families and the unspoken rules of dating across racial lines. Stay tuned as we explore how their relationship has fostered healing, support, and joy in their lives

Show notes:

Introduction to Elimu and Dawn. They’re favorite films What makes Elimu cry, the duo personas: Boris and Natasha

How they met.

Dawn’s surprising connection to BLM and Elimu’s quest to change black Hollywood

Dawn’s relationship to birth and motherhood and reasons for going through a transcultural and transracial adoption process.

Dawn shares one of the main things that people don’t take into account around adoption

The challenges of being a parent to an adoptee from a different “race” and being able to help them navigate situations they have never experienced, or the adoptees feeling misunderstood. Seeing your limitations as a parent.

Your adopted kids wanting to look like you. Perceiving your race as the better one. Growing up as a minority in your area.

Talking about race without also making it the main focus

Staying in conversation with the kids. Asking questions. Giving answers. Being willing to have the hard conversations.

Finding others who can support them who understand - like Elimu

Elimu’s experiences as a Black man in America. Always looking over his shoulder.

Elimu on growing up in Milton Massachusetts and why he was treated differently from other black kids in his school

Elimu shares a racist encounter when he was 7 - “You stick with your kind and I’ll stick with mine”

Navigating wanting to people please white people, but be in with the black people

Elimu as a kid and how he had a fear of Black people being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood and seeing how black people were depicted in the media - feeling ashamed of his fear.

Understanding where racism comes from. Not excusing is.

Have the hard conversations around race as an interracial couple. Recognizing and acknowledging that one partner has more privilage.

Judgements, fears and stigmas around interracial dating.

Having multiple perspectives on interactions - maybe they aren’t as racist or maybe they are.

Dawn talks about “Us” vs “Them" mentality, whether in politics, race, religion or area of the country.

Questioning the belief systems that have been handed down to us, and taking the extra step to break the cycle rather than succumb to it, when it comes to racism.

Elimu's view on Stereotypes

the unspoken rules of race in interracial dating.

Unspoken familial expectations

Elimu talks about the advantage of dating within one's "race"

Discussing relationship parameters . What’s the expectation of dating each other. How will they handle the “smoke.” not avoiding situations but also not rocking the boat. The transitional phase in the relationship

Dawn’s reservations before dating Elimu

Elimu’s dating history of dating woman of color and what changed when he met Dawn

Dawn meeting Elimu’s parents and why Elimu’s father sent Dawn Caviar for her birthday

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

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By Hanna-Lee Sakakibara

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