On today’s Peaches Pit Party, Peaches returns from a Father’s Day weekend full of bug bites, junk food, and deeply cursed conversations about baby names, ketchup, and international warfare.

Featured in today’s chaos:

• A parent names their baby “Chernobyl Hope” because apparently nuclear fallout and optimism go hand-in-hand.
• Peaches is now obsessed with a Twitter account called the Pentagon Pizza Report, which might be predicting global military strikes based on late-night Domino’s orders.
• His knees and elbow were devoured by mystery bugs, and sitting down now feels like squashing grapes inside your legs.
• Tourists in Italy destroy a priceless art chair to take a photo, because of course they did.
• “To Peach Their Own” hits new controversy highs: ketchup on eggs, ketchup on mac & cheese, and a real-life ketchup drawer in Viktor’s office.
• He ranks the happiest fast food workers, reflects on In-N-Out PTSD, and offers support to anyone who’s ever been told they’re “too intense about condiments.”
• Plus: Saquon Barkley tops merch sales, MLB baseballs are suddenly heavier (?) and a dude in Detroit celebrates a wedding by firing a gun out of a Lamborghini.

Also:

• Peaches considers dropping money on a 6,000-calorie colossal cupcake (because America),
• He tries to share a Father’s Day post that gets eaten by Facebook,
• And he discovers that a guy from his high school is now hot and on Love Island.

"To Peach Their Own" Question of the Day:
What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen — like literally had you on the floor by the time it ended?
Spoiler: Peaches still hasn’t seen Dumb and Dumber. Yeah. We’re mad too.