It's Friday. It’s payday. And Peaches is both broke and fed up—with iOS updates, annoying texts, and explosive toilet crimes.

On today’s Peaches Pit Party, Peaches kicks things off with his Pick of the Day and a gripe about iOS 26. He wonders why Apple wants to turn every car into a mobile movie theater and asks the question on everyone's mind: Can I please just set my phone to “Don’t Feel Like Texting” mode?

From there, things spiral in the best way possible:

• A man proposes to his AI girlfriend (named Sol), and she said yes. His real-life partner? Not thrilled.
• Someone in Pittsburgh detonates a firework in a casino toilet. Why? Because America.
• Peaches explains why old people smell (and which mushroom can allegedly stop it).
• A discussion on loaded crust Tombstone pizzas made of French fries, because nothing says health like chili cheese dough.
• Is it time to post Peaches' apartment on r/malelivingspace? He’s got a Hulk Hogan statue and regrets.
• A man throws away 8,000 bitcoins and spends 12 years trying to dig them out of a landfill. Spoiler: he fails, and now there’s a documentary.
• Peaches ponders musicals vs. documentaries—and discovers one about shock jocks he might actually enjoy.
• A mattress balanced on a moving SUV sparks a whole Advocates-themed rant on why bungee cords save lives.
• The Boston Marathon bans downhill-cheater times, the zombie apocalypse finds its safest stadium, and Peaches shares his mattress’s dark secrets.

Also: The Idaho Falls Goobler resurfaces (again), KBEAR randomly goes off the air mid-show (thanks, Jade), and To Peach Their Own returns with a question: What’s the American equivalent of breaking spaghetti in front of Italians? The answers? Unhinged and glorious.

PLUS: The chicken tender throwdown with Joey Chestnut and Livvy Dunne, the Ronald McDonald Fun Run reminder, and a moment of silence for anyone who still thinks iced coffee is hydrating during a heat wave.