It’s Monday, and Peaches is back with a head full of allergies, a heart full of chaos, and a list of professions apparently fueled by illegal drugs.

The show kicks off with a deep dive into an AskReddit thread about professions secretly full of substance use (spoiler: law firms, musicians, and manufacturing jobs top the list). Then it spirals from there in true Peaches Pit Party fashion:

• Peaches gets real about not wanting to text anyone, his oscillating fan addiction, and why bugs in his apartment make him feel like a walking health violation.
• We discuss the only Trader Joe’s conspiracy that matters: why Sherman Oaks, CA gets two while Idaho Falls gets none.
• Also: the most questionable parenting decision of all time—hiring pole dancers to celebrate your son’s middle school graduation. Yes, it really happened.
• What do you secretly love but would be judged for? Listeners come clean about doing absolutely nothing, stuffed animals at 30, and rotting in bed in pajamas.
• Peaches gives props to Benson Boone, trashes his Moonbeam lyrics, but admits the cookies slapped and the music video was funny.
• Peaches tries to go out Saturday night and fails after five minutes in the bar.
• He also wants to post pics of his apartment to r/malelivingspace, but he’s scared the Hulk Hogan statue and Howard Stern memorabilia will make him go viral for the wrong reasons.

Also in this episode:

• A Florida man breaks into a house to hide from his wife for four days.
• Kevin Durant traded (again)—mid-stage appearance.
• Shot Clock Sports Update: stadiums fans dream of visiting, MLB manager popularity polls, and Peaches' review of the Rose Bowl's uncomfortable seats.
• Peaches dives into the science of why people get lightning scars, relives his own childhood head injury, and recommends flaunting your trauma for fun and personality.

Plus: A bonus rant about the "run full speed" trend, Viktor’s compact fury, and how Peaches might look like a buffet-bound freight train in motion.