James describes his experience at a hipster California cuisine bar-and-grill.

This episode John’s got a messy office, someone’s tagging graffiti boogers, and James is reading “Dad is Fat” by Jim Gaffigan. James shreds his boxers, barely stomachs a hip California Grille, gets a straw to the nose and witnesses an old lady in a miniskirt trying to ride a moped. John deletes months of pictures and videos from his phone, falls asleep playing Minecraft and can’t understand his youngest son.

Listener Submissions:

* Justin has a moth land on his junk.

* Elizabeth tries to buy a milkshake and ends up bringing a boy into her business instead of her yard.

* Keith explains how to connect with hot girls when your in middle school. Hint: Join chorus!

* Eli has a mishap while brushing his teeth. Every good story should start with that formula. I had a mishap while (doing something everyone else manages to do everyday without incident).

* Josh dumps a coffee at work so he can go get his Starbucks fix.

* Juanauz calls in about his adopted snake and it’s inability to eat or poop.

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[sub-con]

Show Transcript (First 30 minutes)

James: Hey, how are you doing out there podcast people? This is, “Nobody’s Listening,” the show where everybody’s got a funny life story, so why don’t you let us tell yours? Episode 214, brought to you the week of May 20th, 2014. I’m your host. My name is James Kennison and with me as always is John “Westinghouse-Tutorial Guru” Steinklauber. How are you doing John?

John: Very good today and how are you? It’s good to know that you are…Sorry I just thought technical support.

James: [laughter] Yeah.

John: Actually, I’m great, how are you?

James: I’m doing great. I’m looking forward to that tutorial on a YouTube channel near me.

John: Oh.

James: I haven’t seen that posted.

John: Well, you know, that’s going to be part of my weekly update so…

James: Good, good, good. [laughter]

John: Stand by.

James: Speaking of weekly things, there was a photo I saw on your Instagram and I just wanted to comment. I noticed some things in this photo of your office and I just wanted to point them out publicly. You have a giant office.

John: You know it’s bigger than most offices I’ve ever had.

James: Yeah.

John: [laughter] It’s not that big, though. I mean it’s…I don’t know, eight-by-10?

James: It’s pretty big. It’s pretty big. It’s got some really blue carpet.

John: Oh my goodness. [laughter] Oh my goodness.

James: It’s the kind of blue that only churches buy.

John: Yeah, because it’s like on-sale 20 years ago. [laughter] That is the exact truth. That’s stuff’s probably been there since they built the building.

James: Yeah, church carpet.