In this deeply grounding conversation, host Angela Dunn-Cartledge talks with death doula, grief guide, and ritualist Alyssa Ackerman about building a grief-literate culture—before and after loss. We explore why untended grief behaves like trauma in the body, how pre-existing connection boosts resilience, and practical ways to create containers that let us ask for what we need. Alyssa walks us through community grief tending, the “no fixing, no advice, no cheerleading” agreements, and ritual as an everyday practice of remembrance and integration. We also touch the sister-threads of grief and regret, how to hold presence without absorbing someone else’s pain, and Frances Weller’s Gates of Grief as a map back to belonging.

Key Takeaways

• Grief is woven into all change—not only death; untended grief can mirror trauma.
• Connection before crisis matters: stronger social ties → faster recovery, less PTSD.
• Build a care team (listeners, laughers, “been-there” folks) before you need it.
• Create containers: time limits, consent, and clear asks (“Please just listen,” “Call me weekly about my mom”).
• In circles, practice presence over rescuing: no fixing, advice, or cheerleading.
• Ritual (altars, food, music, nature, movement) helps us remember and integrate, not erase.
• The Gates of Grief (loss/impermanence; unloved parts; sorrows of the world; expectations unmet; ancestral grief; and the harm we’ve caused) widen literacy and compassion.
• You can be with big emotions without absorbing them: breath, body, nature, after-care.

You can find Alyssa on her website, on Instagram and on this Tedx Talk.