Once upon a time there lived a papa bear, and a mama bear, and a baby bear, in a cottage in the forest. Wait, no, it was a big bear, a medium bear, and a little bear. Anyway, a little girl with golden locks snuck in one day.... Wait, no, it was a crotchety old lady. Anyway, as you can see there's more to Goldilocks and The Three Bears than we have been led to believe. So, come sit a spell, let's talk about it.