Finding Love After 30

Ep 40: Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain: Why Being Single Feels So Triggering (And How to Stop Spiraling)


Listen Later

If being single feels especially triggering for you (engagement announcements, weddings, breakups, or the pressure of feeling “behind,”) this episode is for you.


Today I'm breaking down a concept I teach all of my coaching clients: clean pain vs. dirty pain, and how confusing the two is what keeps so many women stuck in anxiety, shame, and dating spirals.


In this episode, we cover:

  • The difference between clean pain and dirty pain, and why it matters
  • Why seeing other people get engaged or married can send you into a spiral
  • How your brain creates fear-based stories about your future without you realizing it
  • Why breakups hurt more when you make them mean something about you
  • A simple way to validate your feelings without letting them run your life
  • How to stop dating from urgency, panic, or comparison
  • What it looks like to return to dating from a grounded, confident place


This is a powerful mindset shift you can use anytime you feel triggered around being single, especially during the holidays.


And if you are ready to stop spiraling, regulate your nervous system, and date with intention in the new year, send me a DM on Instagram (@shondahowardlove) with the word CUSTOM and I’ll send you a personalized dating strategy.

Want expert guidance on your love life? Book a free call to explore working with me right here!


Follow Shonda on Instagram and Tiktok for more inspo and dating advice.

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Finding Love After 30By Shonda Howard