No one is free of shame and when it comes to suicide, this topic is at its core. For Dr. Richard Shaw, a licensed counselor and a professor at George Fox University, helping people identify shame in their lives and find healing has become a life mission. In this interview, he shows us how to recognize the impact of shame in us and others, the manner in which it can sometimes take over our lives and identities, the differences between shame and guilt, and finally, how to find healing so that we can develop long-lasting, authentic relationships.

Dr. Shaw explains that the two main ways that shame is expressed in individuals are: they either get big, which means calling the shots and dominating others, or they get small, which is expressed by wanting to disappear and not be noticed. Both ways end up pushing people away.

He also explores this theme within the context of suicide, particularly for those who have to deal with guilt, the blaming of others, and the destructive silence that follows a suicide. “A suicide attempt is the ultimate statement of shame,” he says.

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