Before the toys, before the cartoons, before the catchphrases — there were two guys in an apartment with a strange idea and a black-and-white comic.

This week we explore the surprisingly gritty origins of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, why they worked, and how they somehow grew up alongside us. We break down the turtles’ personalities, argue about weapons, revisit Secret of the Ooze, and relive the absolute rage of the NES game.

Then we draft our ultimate TMNT teams and let a brutally honest judge decide who wins.

It’s about brotherhood, nostalgia, and the weird stuff that shaped us.

This is The Dad Brotocol. Before we were dads, we were bros.