Deciding to leave the ways of the past in the past (spanking, timeouts, or any other reward/punishment system) and forge a new path forward is the first step towards a new way of parenting, but it's definitely not the last.

Forging your own path forward is not easy, simple, or straight-forward. It is multi-faceted and layered. Not hard, necessarily, but definitely on-going.

Today we're talking about one of the layers that you find once you make the decision to opt out of punishments, and that is the need to look beyond behavior. So many parents try on new strategies, but still measure them by the same old standards: if their child's behavior isn't changing, they decide what they're doing isn't working.

We need to shift the focus away from the behavior and start looking at what's underneath it. And we need to take the time to consider what other measures we can use to guide ourselves and our decision-making. How will you know if it's working if behavior isn't the measure?

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