We’re challenging societal norms of manhood. Data shows that many men know that talking openly is an effective way of dealing with their problems, but they keep quiet so they don’t appear weak or unmanly. Well, we’re affirming that getting the support you need is the real flex.

Men fears to appear “unmanly” [1:06]

• Data suggests that men, especially adult men, find it hard to talk about their feelings, despite knowing that it could solve their problems—why did they become like this? 

• Unlearning what ‘manhood’ really is 

• For parents: your disappointment in yourself could show up in how you treat your kids, your family, and other people. This is why there are kids who feel like they’ll never be “good  enough” 

“Maladaptive” (unhealthy) behaviors and how they show could up [10:43] 

• Maladaptive behaviors are behaviors that don’t benefit you in the long run 

• Avoiding the conflict rather than facing it head-on

How the world robs men off their humanity [11:53] 

• Not having the support that they need when they feel rejected 

• Simple, careless statements such as “Big boys don’t cry” 

• Men’s feelings tend to be dismissed to “you shouldn’t be feeling that way” that sometimes lead to developing maladaptive behaviors (e.g. being a womanizer)

• In times of loss, men have to be painted as the ones who have to be strong, leaving no room to process their own grief 

The kind of support Black men (and women) needs [20:00]

• Everyone deserves healthy relationships—relationships where there could be disagreement but not disconnection. 

• Relationships where the other pushes the other to be better 

• Having a space where they’re free to feel whatever they’re feeling 

The haze of overcoming the idea of manhood [25:23]

• Giving yourself permission to feel when society tells you not to 

• Succumbing to vulnerability when everyone expects you to be a superhero 

• Not mistaking oversharing with vulnerability—finding the right community who resonate with you 

• Having a safe AND a brave space to talk through challenges

Navigating the haze [33:38] 

• Being with people who will push you to be better 

• Letting a therapist be part of your community 

• In relationships: knowing how to communicate properly to get what you need, as well as give what the other person needs 

What it really means to be strong [49:52] 

• Learning emotion regulation: what do you do with what you feel?  

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

Brene Brown 

Listen to One Man Can Change the World by Big Sean

Listen to Brotha by Angie Stone

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