Today, we're taking a deep dive into today's dating culture, or maybe it's going to be a shallow dive. Who knows? But one thing we do know is that we've watched a lot of black love shows, and we're ready to talk about it. But it's not just about the shows, it's about what we can learn from them.

As a couple in a fulfilling relationship ourselves, we're excited to share our perspective on dating culture and what it means for our own journey. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR

Dating Culture and Emotional Intelligence [1:35]

• Dating culture as portrayed on television shows provides insights into how people choose their partners and what they find valuable and attractive.

• Authenticity and communication of needs and desires are important in building fulfilling relationships.

• Emotional intelligence is crucial in understanding where people are in their personal growth journey and how they show up in relationships.

“Beyond the List” [8:14]

• The importance of being clear about what one wants in a partner, but also realizing that the perfect list may not necessarily lead to a fulfilling relationship.

• Having a list and getting someone who fits it will not guarantee a peaceful and fulfilling relationship.

• Importance of values alignment and emotional connection in building a fulfilling relationship over just having superficial traits on a list.

The “role” of Individuality and effective communication [10:55]

• Past experiences can sometimes influence the traits we prioritize in a partner.

• Communication and willingness to learn a partner's love language is essential in a relationship.

• Understanding individuality and what certain traits and behaviors mean for each person is important.

The Shallow Dive: The Importance of Digging Deeper in Relationships [16:48]

• Many dating shows lack depth and do not encourage individuals to take a deeper dive into their potential partner's true self.

• The struggle between an individual's ideal self and their true self can create disappointment for both the individual and their partner.

• It is important to be authentic and show up as oneself in a relationship, rather than pretending to be someone else.

• The key to a successful relationship is alignment, specifically aligned values and desires.

The haze of dating based on a lot of values [19:45]

• Shared values are important for sustaining a relationship

• Looks will fade, people will change, shared values remain constant

• Dating just to have a warm body is not fulfilling

• Lack of interest, connection or alignment means not going on further dates

Navigating the haze of choosing [29:08]

• Know what you want and choose accordingly

• Don't just settle for whoever is choosing you

• Choose what you want, even if it's not currently choosing you

• Focus on how it feels, not just on specific criteria

• Be open to unexpected situations or packages, as long as it feels right for you

• Seek advice from wise counsel when necessary

• Making a choice requires navigating feelings and potential challenges

Making the choice [32:35] 

• Don't resign to whoever is giving you attention, choose the person you want to be with.

• Broaden your list of criteria to focus on how you want the relationship to feel, rather than specific details.

• It's okay to navigate feelings that come up in the process of finding a partner.

  TO STAY CONNECTED:

  1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

  2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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  If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.