Crank up the steam calliope, inflate the hydrogen sacs of the mighty dirigible, and put gas in the deep sea sub, because we're going on an adventure! Lincoln & Welles compete to navigate the toxic sump of human knowledge that is Wikipedia, and along the way discover the devil's violin, cosmic Giuseppes, some war crimes, and a suspect grasp of African geography and political history!

Music: "Whiskey on the Mississippi," "Take a Chance," and "Local Forecast"