It’s the penultimate Order of the Phoenix episode and, unless you’re an invincible magic bird, this is not going to end well. This week: Alex constantly mispronounces “Lestrange”; Dumbledore’s Army destroys centuries of priceless archival material; Bellatrix almost destroys the prophecy to own the libs; Neville actually destroys the prophecy because he’s Neville; Ron does nothing; and love saves the day, but not Sirius Black. Woof. Plus: Heather's dessert preferences, revealed at last.

This week's chapters: Beyond the Veil & The Only One He Ever Feared

Next episode's chapters: The Lost Prophecy & The Second War Begins