Healing Myself

Ep. 62: Sometimes, parents just don't understand.


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In this episode, we’re unpacking a topic that was submitted by one of our listeners. We’ve mentioned folks who’ve cut ties with family members because of unhealthy relationships, but we haven’t talked about maintaining a relationship with a parent when y’all just don’t get along. Well, until today, that is.


WHAT TO LISTEN FOR
Strained Parent-Child Relationship [2:20]

  • Difficulty in connecting with parents as an adult, experiencing a surface-level relationship.

  • Parents treat the individual as a young child needing constant guidance and direction.

  • Feeling that opinions and decisions are not valued.

  • Tension in the relationship leading to avoiding family interactions and limited communication.

  • Parents consistently push for higher achievements, disregarding personal aspirations and choices.

  • Desire for individual autonomy and to forge their own path being met with resistance and imposition of the parents' plans.

  • Instances throughout life where the parents seemed to undervalue the individual's identity and growth as an adult.

  • Tension in the relationship leading to avoiding family interactions and limited communication.


    Understanding Autonomy and Growth Pains [4:14]

  • Reflections on the challenges of growing up and the parallel experience of parents witnessing their child's journey into adulthood.

  • Acknowledging the natural inclination for parents to perceive their children as "forever young" and maintain a nurturing, protective mindset.

  • Drawing parallels from personal experiences of leadership roles, where similar nurturing energy exists towards others.

  • Recognizing the difficulty of asserting one's adulthood and maturity while maintaining respect towards parents.


Navigating Conflict with a Father [19:47]

  • Relationship struggles during teenage years.

  • A father's expectations of being an upstanding man 

  • Persistent effort to establish a relationship where they could be seen as equals by their father

  • Desire to engage in genuine conversations about upbringing, instilled values, and the father's own limitations.

  • Navigating projected expectations.

  • Persistent seeking of understanding and connection, while recognizing the need for personal boundaries and self-acceptance.

Saying what you need [28:51]

  • Adaptability and being prepared for their response.

  • The first step is to say what you need.

  • Two choices, stop calling or accept the conversation.

  • Decide to stay or not stay.

How to navigate difficult situations with parents. [33:24]

  • Be prepared for how they may or may not receive it.

  • Seek out support.

  • Relationships are about practice and practice.

  • The importance of taking a break.

  • Lessons learned about parent-child relationships as an adult.

  • Respect for parents as an individual.

    TO STAY CONNECTED:

    1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

    2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at [email protected].

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Healing MyselfBy Scott and Shaté Hayes