Admit it, you’ve always wanted to hear a deep-cuts comparison of LoVo, née Tom Riddle, to Ted Bundy. Well, you’re in luck! This week, Dumbledore collects a kid, Tom hangs a rabbit (eesh!), Ron blows a gasket, Ginny resists slut-shaming, Harry makes excellent use of the placebo effect, and Heather and Alex continue to despise one of the most iconic will-they-or-won’t-theys of all time. Plus: bird attack!

This week’s chapters: The Secret Riddle & Felix Felicis

Next week’s chapters: The Unbreakable Vow & A Very Frosty Christmas