The last two episodes covered the competitive, one-sided, optimized-for-profit nature of the tech industry and the tools it produced to perpetuate its own wealth, as well as the rise in popularity of meditation, which has the side-effect of enabling the possibility of peaceful opposing beliefs, and shrinking the divide between ‘us’ and ‘them.’

 

Today’s topic is on the sense of self, who we think we are versus the perception others have of us and where, within those often opposing concepts, lies the truth.

 

Noel Wax, CEO of the Groundswell group and long time friend of Tony’s, joins the show today to shed some light on why he sees himself as an introvert when this comes as a huge surprise for Tony and many, many other people — he also shares a cool hack on how to seem super extroverted when you’re really not.

 

Key Takeaways

 

[:09] Tony introduces Noel Wax and launches the conversation on the sense of self as perceived by the individual as well as by others and the ramifications that these often conflicting views entail.

 

The edge of a precipice [2:40] Tony, Noel, and Ron agree that the general feeling and energy of current times feel like an oncoming paradigm shift.

 

A telling webinar [5:40] Tony shares the recent moment he realized that his long-time friend thought of himself as an introvert — 35 years of friendship pointed in the other direction, it seemed.

 

Tony offers an explanation: people’s perception of a person is reality. What he argues isn’t reality are the thoughts and beliefs and the sh*t that goes on in people’s heads.

 

Alignment and Nirvana [13:11] Noel contends that regardless of where reality lies, aiming to align what you think of yourself with what people think of you is an unattainable goal. Even if it sounds like nirvana.

 

The stakes hack [15:44] If you hear people say the same thing about you over and over, isn’t that you? Noel shares a personal experience where he came off as fearless — it’s a lot easier when there is nothing at stake.

 

The ice cream bar of the social self [19:21] Ron offers that this extroverted introvert conundrum may just be one of the many flavors of imposter syndrome.

 

The iterative cycles of you [22:55] Noel speaks to his inability to sit back and take in things before talking. And shares his perspectives on who Noel is today.

 

The tug of war for a shared reality [27:34] Ron talks about everyone living in the reality they created, trying to integrate their loved ones and create a kind of shared perception space. He also touches on how the economic pressures and social media contribute to the shaping of this perceived reality, so figuring out who you are today is difficult.

 

Being deliberate about the choices we make and how they impact what reality you create around yourself takes a lot of energy.

 

A continuum of self  [30:30] Tony speaks to his own ideas as to what makes you who you are, namely consciousness and choice. The self is on an ever-evolving continuum and changes at every moment with every environmental input and output from choices and consciousness.

 

The algorithm [31:44] Noel speaks to his fears surrounding the subtle pressures that our modern environment exercises on us to guide our decisions. Our awareness of these pressures and the control we exercise on the choice we make shape our sense of self.

 

Though the blue pill of ignorance does have its charms.

 

An influential monolith [33:40] Pressure to conform to a certain set of beliefs has been around since the advent of religion. Radio and television made their appearance and changed the way the ideological pressure could be delivered to the masses.

 

Today we are seeing the rise of a monolithic source of social pressure in the form of personal hand-held devices. The algorithms used also contribute to an ever-narrowing source of information.

 

Active combat [37:01] Free will is in short supply, Tony breaks down the influences on our free will and agency, and it boils down to far too little — if none at all, according to some.

 

That should be super frightening for Americans (especially to those who storm the barricades in the name of personal freedom for a simple mask-wearing injunction!)

 

Ron shares the story of his elderly mother’s radicalizing email feed.

 

Noel has a weird Instagram [41:00] because Noel’s IG is used for work, the algorithm is populating his feed with a plethora of things that he thinks don’t reflect who he is.

 

But finding varied information sources is not that easy, and making your own choice and opinion is becoming increasingly challenging.

 

Indoctrination [44:24] Ron flew in on Delta; he recounts an incident on his flight in…

 

[46:59] Tony recaps the episode and offers a few thoughts and highlights.

 

Thanks for tuning in.

 

More about your hosts

Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com

Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com

Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility

Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony

LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion

Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw

 

Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams

 

More about our guest

Noel Wax on Twitter

Noel Wax on LinkedIn