*This is an adult conversation so please be aware of who may be listening with you.

 

My guest Barbara, who will soon be turning 50, is a mother with five kids at home and is currently going through her second divorce. She and her ex-husband have just finished the paperwork after going through the mediation process. She says that anyone who wants to create continuity for the children during this emotional undertaking should consider mediation as a way to save money, time and tears.

This powerful conversation with Barbara addresses a subject which is very rarely discussed. That is when sexual relations occur between children in the same family. Barbara exhibits great courage in sharing her story with us today and says that if just one person is helped or one misconception is clarified, then it is worth it for her to share. 

“In the darkest moments, in the darkest of days, when it seems there is no hope when everything is going against you, HOLD ON. The light will come, the light will come, don’t give up. And when it comes it brings peace, love and compassion.”  - Barbara G.

 

Putting Yourself First

Barbara realized that through much of her life she had the martyr mentality. She always put spending time with her kids and husband in front of doing things she wanted to do. She realized if she wanted to be the best mother and wife she could possibly be, she needed to take some time for herself. She started by taking 15 minutes to read a book she wanted to read and then little by little she took more time to practice self-care.

 

When the Darkness Came

While Barbara was pregnant with her sixth child, she and her husband were given the news that the baby had the rare, genetic disorder of Trisomy 13. Her child, who was born 9 weeks early, died after only 2 weeks of life. This trauma affected the entire family, and much more than Barbara realized at the time. Shortly after moving to Minnesota and in a fit of tears, Barbara’s 10-year-old daughter told her mother she was having sex with her 13-year-old brother. Barbara was devastated and her whole world went black. She felt like she fell down a black hole into hell. She immediately told her husband. She says it was a miracle that her son was away at camp because she truly believes her husband may have killed him.

Family Services advised that they seek out a counselor and the counselor recommended a trip to the police station. The police wanted to charge the 13-year-old with felony abuse, which would have marked him as a sexual predator for the rest of his life.

 

The Poison of Pornography

In addition to the family trauma surrounding the death of the baby, pornography was introduced into the household by neighborhood kids. Barbara believes pornography is the objectification of the human body, which causes a distortion of normal behavior and normal exploration. Her research led her to the understanding that chemical stabilization in the brains of children doesn’t set into its normal state until age 25. She adds that when children view pornography they are stimulated in ways their developing brains shouldn’t be exposed to. She says her son will struggle with not falling back into predatory behaviors for the rest of his life. 

 

A State of Adjudication

Her son was not convicted of felony abuse because he was in the range of being rehabilitatable. The judge considered the psychological evaluations, the family’s input, and the intense counseling when he decided to not give Barbara’s son with permanent label. Three different psychologists told the courts that even if the same events happened again it would not trigger him.

The recent divorce is cause for concern as it may bring up emotional challenges for both Barbara’s daughter and son. Barbara monitors her son’s behavior for possible red flags and triggers and says “We have more fear of him turning to self-abuse rather than becoming a sexual predator. He is not a predator, he was a little boy looking for comfort after a traumatic situation.”

 

Barbara’s Healthy Living Business

Barbara is a dealer of the SaladMaster products, a 70-year-old company which offers free dinner presentations for those interested in preparing more nutritious and flavorful food for their families. She can be found online at Midwest Healthy Living and she recently opened her own store in her community of Maple Grove, Minnesota. She believes that how people prepare their food is just as important as what they are cooking. The cookware you use can enhance the flavor and nutrition of your food or destroy and detract from it. 99% of the world cooks in cookware that is old and inferior.

 

You are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

If you found value in this podcast please share it with one other person. You never know who may need to hear it. If you need someone to talk safely and privately with email me at [email protected]. This email is confidential so you can feel secure in knowing that your truth is safe with me. The more support we all have and can give, the better our community will be. If you just want to connect socially you can join the private Curvyworld Facebook group or on social media @iamannpeck.

Reminder - We are planning a big event for September! The new Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live - An Affair with Joy. We will be working on self-love and loving our business from the inside out. There will be a private VIP dinner to celebrate my 50th birthday and the release of my new book. Everybody who attends will go home with a copy. Special early bird pricing is available, so sign up now!