Episode 118 — Graduation Heat, Robot Cars & Furry Trauma

This week Mike and Alex are joined by recurring fan favorite Madi for her FOURTH appearance and podcast rookie Cooper, who somehow survives his debut despite carrying the worst travel karma in modern aviation history. Madi just graduated from Arizona State University, Cooper is headed to University of Oregon, and Mike is celebrating the financial miracle of swapping dance tuition for college tuition… which is basically like escaping prison only to get drafted into war.

The crew relives graduation weekend in Arizona where it was somehow 110 degrees at 8PM, causing Madi to repeatedly stand up during the ceremony just hoping for a breeze under the graduation robe. Nothing says higher education like heatstroke and swamp ass.

Things escalated quickly after the ceremony when the family managed to get kicked out of TWO college bars on back-to-back nights. Security politely informed them it was time to leave, proving once again that middle-aged dads should not attempt to party like frat boys with a Marriott rewards account.

Meanwhile, organizing 20 family members through graduation traffic was apparently harder than managing a kindergarten field trip, and Alex is already being warned that next year's graduation season will destroy whatever sanity he has left.

We also discover that Alex is officially the white trash representative of his fancy neighborhood. While everyone else is sipping wine on designer patio furniture, Alex is apparently out back building cinder block grills and roasting entire pigs in the driveway like a hillbilly king.

Cooper reveals he may actually be cursed when it comes to flying — his last three flights have been delayed a combined FIFTEEN HOURS. The good news? He's mastered the art of maximizing airport food vouchers and can now convert airline misery directly into Starbucks.

Mike nearly gets himself arrested in a driverless Waymo after yelling "THIS IS MY ROBOT CAR!" at four drunk college girls trying to open the door, while Madi watches in horror as he repeatedly touches things you are absolutely not supposed to touch in a self-driving vehicle.

The episode somehow gets even weirder when Madi explains that she handles annoying college boys by barking at them like an attack dog while carrying a taser and standing next to her 6'7" friend. Safe to say the boys at ASU never stood a chance.

And finally, Madi and Hailey recount surviving Portland's furry convention weekend, where a giant chicken entered their elevator and nearly sent Hailey into cardiac arrest. Nothing prepares you for locking eyes with a six-foot-tall human chicken in a hotel elevator at midnight.

Whiskey was consumed. Dignity was abandoned. And somewhere out there, four drunk girls are still wondering why a middle-aged man screamed at them about his robot car.