Have you ever thought, “how can you say that?” It often comes up in conflict when we can’t understand our partner’s perspective. Chances are, they aren’t understanding yours either. 

A healthy presumption to make in a loving relationship is that you’re both invested in understanding each other, especially in conflict. 

The Gottman’s Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident or Fight is a map toward that goal. 

My recommendation this week, have those conversations in the context of a weekly “just you” time where you get to share gratitude and talk about loving each other well. This is a great ritual of emotional connection, a State of the Union convo.

Honest, gentle conversations about anything are cool. I’d recommend reserving SOTUs for relationships that are more developed, where you’ve found yourself organically talking about “us” already.

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