When I was growing up, asking for what you wanted was not seen as a good thing. It was considered impolite, as though you were putting somebody out or being an imposition. If someone offered something to you, then you could say yes, but asking directly was different. It felt as though you were putting someone on the spot. I am not really sure what that mentality or belief system was about, but it shaped the way I thought about asking.

That belief shifted when I was working in one of my first careers in a sales organization. They completely flipped the script. Their whole mentality was that if you do not ask, you do not get. At first, that felt very different from what I had been taught, but it also made sense. We are not going to get what we want if we do not ask, unless we are relying on someone else to anticipate our needs or read our mind.

Retraining that muscle was not easy because I had spent so much of my life believing it was impolite to ask. Then I found myself in an environment where the message was clear. Ask for what you want. Lately, I have been thinking about that a lot because I am noticing it in myself and in others. On this Wise Walk, we explore the power of asking for what we want.

• What is your belief system around asking for things that you want in your life?
• When you think about asking for what you want, do you cringe because it feels impolite or uncomfortable?
• Are you in a place where you feel clear about what you want and need, and you are not afraid to ask for it?
• Is there something in your life right now that you want but have been hesitant to ask for?
• Is there someone you interact with consistently, and you find yourself hoping or waiting for them to offer something just so you can say yes?
• How can you flip your own script and get clear about what you need or want without being afraid to ask?
• What are the things you know about yourself at your core and have been able to express, communicate, or ask for?
• How does it feel when people understand what you want and serve it up to you, even when you do not have to ask?
• Do you notice how communicating your needs and wants can empower you while also giving others the opportunity to support you?
• How can asking, giving, and receiving flow more smoothly in your life?
• Is there something in your life, right now, that you need help with?
• What has been weighing on you, and where are you wondering how you are going to accomplish it?
• Can you journal, write, brainstorm with a loved one, or use another resource to get clear on the different ways you could approach this?
• Can you identify one opportunity, be vulnerable enough to ask, and then be patient enough to wait for the answer?
• What phase of help do you need right now, and who can you ask for help?
• Can you appreciate the sense of community that may rally around you to help you gain what you need?
• Have you ever offered advice or support in a conversation, only to realize that was not what the other person needed?
• Can you pause and ask, "What do you need from me?" or "How can I support you best?"
• Can you believe what someone tells you they need and show up for them in the way they are asking?

As we approach episode 300, I want to thank you for being part of this community and for walking beside me on each Wise Walk. Your support, your stories, and your reflections mean more to me than you know.

I would love your guidance as we look ahead. Please let me know what you value, what you want more of, and what you hope this podcast becomes in episode 300 and beyond.

In this episode:

• [03:31] I've noticed how the belief that it's impolite to ask has shown up in the actions of my nieces and nephews.
• [04:25] Not expressing what you want shows up in little ways, and then it becomes exponentially larger with things that really matter in your life.
• [05:26] Knowing and expressing what you want gives other people the opportunity to be on your level.
• [06:44] Those around us get the satisfaction of giving us what we want when we express to them what we want.
• [07:46] Since my move, I've had to ask for a lot of things. One of the things I wanted to learn was how to safely drive a tractor.
• [09:07] I went to the dealership, and they helped me learn how to drive the existing tractor. The hands-on tutorial empowered me, and I made some friends along the way.
• [11:31] The other thing I've gotten good at is recognizing when someone is sharing stories, whether they're asking for help or not.
• [12:59] Clarifying whether they're asking for help builds the foundation of trust.
• [13:36] Sometimes people just want us to listen. What is the ask?
• [15:14] I will admit that using the muscle of asking can sometimes feel hard.
• [16:05] What do you appreciate and value in this podcast? What would you like to hear more of? Which episode stands out as meaningful? What would you like to see differently?
• [17:03] We are nearing episode 300 of this podcast. Let me know what you're feeling, and what you hope 300 and beyond becomes?
• [18:04] This community is bringing people together and raising conversations we all know that we need to have.

Memorable Quotes:

• • "That muscle of asking, or at least being clear with what we want, is strengthened by those day-to-day routines." - Mary Tess
  • "When we are vulnerable enough to ask, we get to see who shows up for us. By expressing what is weighing on us, we allow the community to help share the load." - Mary Tess
  • "I know that what is most empowering for me is hearing from you and learning how these episodes either spark something in you or open the door to meaningful conversations." - Mary Tess

Links and Resources:

• Mary Tess Rooney
• Email
• Heart Value

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