In this raw and insightful conversation, relationship therapist and retreat facilitator Nicola Beer shares her powerful journey from trauma and addiction to deep healing and emotional freedom.

Nicola opens up about her own struggles with childhood trauma, workaholism, alcohol, and the pressures of masking ADHD. She explains how these patterns often mirror the lives of the high-achieving men she now supports, many of whom feel emotionally disconnected, burned out, and trapped by the very success they’ve worked so hard for.

We unpack common midlife issues like porn use, infidelity, dopamine addiction, and the emotional weight of "holding it all together." Nicola also dives into the healing potential of psychedelic-assisted therapy and how men can start to reconnect with their emotions, values, and relationships.

This episode is for any man who’s ready to stop numbing and start feeling, who wants more than just survival, and is open to real transformation..

Key Takeaways

• Trauma doesn’t always look like trauma. Nicola’s childhood left her wired to seek safety through overwork and emotional disconnection, a pattern many men unconsciously live in.
• Success doesn’t equal fulfilment. Many high-achieving men feel empty or trapped despite “having it all.”
• Why men cheat (even if they don’t want to): Often driven by dopamine addiction, unprocessed pain, or emotional starvation.
• The silent trap of being ‘the provider’: Many men feel like ATMs in their homes, resentful, unseen, and emotionally burned out.
• Dopamine overload is killing our joy. Resetting with a 30-day break from artificial spikes (porn, screens, etc.) is a powerful first step.
• Psychedelics aren’t a magic fix, but they can unlock deep healing when paired with proper intention, integration, and support.
• Relationships need goals too. Connection doesn’t happen by accident, it takes intentional time, presence, and effort.
• Most conflicts aren’t about the present. 80–90% of relationship struggles stem from unresolved wounds in the past.
• Slowing down isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. You can’t hear your inner voice when you’re constantly doing.

🎧 More from Nicola:

https://nicolabeer.com

https://plantmedicinepower.com

https://podcast.nicolabeer.com

💥 Take the FREE Midlife Scorecard:👉 https://midlifemavericks.com/scorecard

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Healing Relationships

02:51 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact

06:11 Recognizing the Need for Change

10:20 The Role of Trauma in Relationships

13:46 Psychedelics and Inner Work

17:47 The Importance of Connection

22:12 Men's Struggles in Midlife

26:02 Breaking Free from Stoic Masculinity

30:20 Finding Balance and Clarity

34:43 Setting Relationship Goals

39:26 The Challenge of Distraction in Relationships

41:01 Establishing Connection Rules

43:51 Understanding the Importance of Quality Time

45:10 Exploring the Reasons Behind Infidelity

51:00 The Role of Therapy in Self-Improvement

55:21 The Impact of Childhood on Adult Relationships

01:00:33 Using Psychedelics for Relationship Insights

01:04:27 Setting Intentions for Psychedelic Experiences

01:07:54 The Importance of Integration After Psychedelic Journeys

01:13:22 Introduction to Midlife Assessment