Rohini and Angus talk about the journey they've been on with desire and intimacy in their marriage and their reflections on, and insights around, how they overcame the challenges they experienced in the past.

At the beginning of their relationship, sexual desire was spontaneous and Rohini had no issue matching Angus' libido. But as time went on, and as intimacy and comfort ramped up, she found her sexual desire waning. This made her feel self-conscious and wonder if there was something wrong with her. When she became aware of this understanding, found herself feeling more relaxed and at ease in herself. One of the byproducts of this was she found herself more present and able to enjoy sexual intimacy. She saw she didn't need to fix anything to help her experience more desire, she just needed to relax. She experienced for herself desire can be cultivated. 

Angus' initial response to Rohini's lack of desire was to question his manhood and feel insecure. He realized with time that he was blaming her for the way he felt. Rohini not matching his libido was something he was taking personally. This blame and pressure further perpetuated Rohini's dwindling desire for sex. Once Angus saw this for what it was, that he was reacting to his own insecurity, he was able to take the pressure off and meet Rohini where she was. This in turn made helped Rohini to feel more open.

This episode explores:

• How noticing that we're caught up allows us to naturally relax and open to pleasure
• Turning inward rather than outward when experiencing less desire can help us rekindle desire
• How sexual intimacy can be a doorway to experiencing the divine

Show notes
Michelin Star Ranking System: how the finest dining restaurants are ranked, from 1 lowest to 3 exceptional. Also a way Angus almost stumbled into ranking his and Rohini's sex.

Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm: one of the resources Rohini turned to during the lack of desire insecurity phase

Ted Talk Masturbation is the New Meditation: self-explanatory but made Angus feel a bit prickly when Rohini brought it up.

Angus Ross & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate a private couples' intensives retreat program that rewilds relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org. Read Rohini's latest blog.

Episode 42 features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles-based composer Greg Ellis.