Another year, another holiday season has come upon us. And we once again learn that Christmas traditions always lie in much darker roots than we are aware of. So curl up next to the open fire, and listen to us tell you the tales of men being fully impaled by lances, 8-years-olds being whisked away into marriages with inanimate objects, girls being saved from prostitution, and boys be resurrected after murder. You know, those old holiday classics.

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