Key learning points

1.The different challenges facing new parents, including postnatal depression

2.The importance of role models in insurance

3.How the insurance industry can help working parents

Trigger warning - this episode discusses miscarriage, birth trauma and postnatal depression.

In this episode of the Parenthood Diaries, we chat with a long-time friend of the Risky Mix Podcast, Hilary Banks. Hilary is Director of Sales at Guardian Financial Services and a mum to two young boys, Ernest (10) and Herbie (6).

A big thanks to our series partners, Genasys and The Camelot Network, for enabling this to happen!

We begin by asking Hilary to recap her story so far. She tells us how she feels super fortunate to be the mother of two boys who make her laugh every day but then goes on to describe her first pregnancy, which sadly ended in miscarriage, and how she struggled to recover. She pretended that it didn’t happen and told no one at work about her experience. She points out that many women's miscarriages take place in secret, for fear of their employers knowing they are trying for a family. 

Hilary then explains how, when she told her employer that she was 12 weeks pregnant with Ernest, she started ‘sobbing uncontrollably’ to her boss, thinking that they would regard her as a disappointment and that her career progression would be impacted. It was then that Hilary found out about her poor maternity package; she only got 6 weeks of full maternity pay. Hilary returned to work after 12 weeks, as she couldn’t afford not to, despite having a traumatic C-section only weeks before. We agree with Hilary that attitudes need to change - both around maternity and paternity leave. ‘To have a husband or partner at home only for two weeks…it’s not enough’

Hilary then tells us about her experience with postnatal depression and describes how, when she took maternity leave for the second time, she’d imagined ‘gliding around the house for 16 weeks hugging my baby’. In reality, her baby was crying constantly and she felt increasingly isolated. It was her husband who spotted that she was suffering, and, whilst returning to work proved to be the ‘fix’ Hilary needed, she recognises that this won’t be the same for all. Hilary also reminds us that postnatal depression may not be immediate, but can occur several months after giving birth.

She tells us how her relationship was under a lot of strain during the first four years of parenthood. Hilary explains how she'd felt guilty doing things like getting her hair done or exercising, as she felt she couldn’t justify taking a day for herself. But she had her ‘lightbulb moment’ - that she and her husband had to make time for themselves. ‘I don’t want anyone to wait 4 years. I want new parents to do this from day one because it’s healthy. It’s better for the children and it's better for your relationship.’

Finally, we ask Hilary what the industry can do for people with young families. She shares her early mistakes of hiding the fact that she was a mother when she was at work, missing school assemblies, and even checking her emails from her child's hospital bed. Now, Hilary tells us that she tries to be a role model, transparent about the fact she is a mum prioritising both kids and work, and encourages others to do the same. She provides an environment where her team feel they can get things off their chest, ‘so that people are not going through these bizarre experiences where we can’t talk about miscarriages, or trying for a baby, or postnatal depression’ without the risk of career repercussions. Hilary also believes that people should have the option to gradually return to work and be fully paid for that time - which is better for everyone, particularly those with postnatal depression. Her top tip to working parents is: don’t be embarrassed or hide the fact that you are a parent whilst you’re at work.